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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Feeling like falling apart
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KellyC123 posted:
My future husband and I are about 6 months pregnant. We were happy when we first found out that we were expecting. About a month and a half ago I started bleeding which before I miscarried. The baby is still growing and are still happy. The problem: I found out that my placenta is covering my cervix, so we were told that we couldn't have sex because it would cause me to bleed and maybe dying. Well I feel like I'm letting my future hubby down by not giving him anything. We tried to do stuff with out having sex but it isn't the same. I feel like this might ruin our relationship because we both like to have sex alot. Any suggestions on what we can do to help our relationship.
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BalconyBelle responded:
You can't have vaginal sex, but oral sex will most likely be perfectly safe (in addition to manual sex for him). You might want to check with your doctor first to make absolutely sure, but I think those particular forms of intimacy are still very much on the table--and vibrators will probably be okay, too.

Besides, you'd be hard pressed to find any man worthy of the name who'd truly be against temporarily not having vaginal sex if having it meant risking killing the woman he loved.

Think of this as an opportunity to truly explore each other's bodies and the ways you like to be touched, perhaps perfecting your '69' technique, and all the different kinds of foreplay you enjoy. After you've both gotten close to the edge, you could give each other oral sex to finish off, or take care of him by hand while he uses a vibrator on you--or let him finish himself off while using a vibrator on yourself.

Also, you could use this opportunity to find other activities you like to do together--dance, stargaze, walk together...maybe even go swimming or exercising together. If you're both both okay with it, you might even consider watching racy movies together. There's no reason that just because one form of intimacy is temporarily out that your relationship or ability to be intimate with each other has to suffer. You can still give each other love, companionship, and passion. You can even still have sex--just not vaginally.
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FCL responded:
Start by discussing this with him. You might find that he is totally understanding of the situation. You are supposing things about him that may not be true... Nowhere in your post have you said he felt negatively about this only that you feel bad about this.

In any case, there is nothing you can do about it. It is just a temporary situation that will soon be over. It'"s not the end of the world. Put it into perspective - no sex for 3-4 months vs possible death of baby AND mother ... Accept the situatio for what it is... temporary.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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Swan88 responded:
Both replies before mine were excellent.

Communicate.

If this ruins your relationship it was not good to start with. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but it is very unlikely he is the kind of bum that you are worried he might be.

Explore and Enjoy. One way is not available for a few months so what the many others can get you through and will make you sex life better after you able to have vaginal intercourse again.
 
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FCL responded:
Having had time to think about this, I think you should call your doc and ask if the no-sex ban meant NO sex at all for you. Why? Because an orgasm can, in some circumstances, trigger contractions ... Please ask your doc if you can indulge in oral sex for you before trying.

Poor you. You must be feeling truly miserable ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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darlyn05 responded:
I have to agree with FCL. Check with your doctor about what your limitations are. I'm sure what you are feeling is that you are letting your husband down, and perhaps some insecurity is involved concerning possible infidelity.

As others have mentioned, I think it's best that you accept what you're feeling and talk with your husband about it. I don't think he would want to put you or the baby in jeopardy.

Also keep in mind that with pregnancy the hormones can be all over the place and that affects your emotions. All normal. Just talk with your husband about how you are feeling.
 
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gentle1954 responded:
agree with balcony , there are many other ways for having sex and try to do them one by one .


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