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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Help! I have NO sex drive!
Stacey2005 posted:
Hi, all. . .I'll try to make this short. I am 31 years old, and my husband of almost 10 years is 37. We have two beautiful children, ages 5 and 2 1/2. It seems like since we've stopped trying to have kids, I have NO desire for sex whatsoever. I never initiate sex, and my husband has to get me close to orgasm before I'm interested in intercourse. Sometimes I have these weird feelings of anger, almost, when we're having sex. . . I don't know what the problem is. If the two of us are just watching TV or something and he starts touching me sexually, I feel uncomfortable. It's really tough for me to share this, but I know that he doesn't deserve my lack of interest. He tells me I'm in denial and that I'm just not physically attracted to him (he's overweight), but I really don't think I would want sex from ANYONE. I think I need to find a sex therapist or something, but I wondered if anyone here had any ideas or feedback for me. The only thing I can think of is that no one EVER talked about sex when I was growing up, and so maybe I've come to think of it as inappropriate/taboo/whatever. TIA for any input.
queston responded:
You say that your youngest is 2 1/2. Did you ever desires sex after that birth? Hormonal disruptions are, of course, part of the normal birth and post-partum cycle--maybe things never returned to their normal state?

Are you on any medications?

Did you ever feel differently about sex?
darlyn05 responded:
I know of a few mothers, younger and older, that go through this after children are born. Queston I think has a very good possibility for the reason. Also caring for and raising 2 young children let alone tending to a marriage can be exhausting to the point for the lack of interest. We don't view ourselves as a Man or a Woman any longer and that part of us, as these particular needs, gets lost temporarily.

Maybe if you internally focus on your sex appeal, sexuality, vivacious self as a woman.
stephs_3_kidz responded:
You are right in trying to figure out what's causing you to have these feelings. It's very, very important for a married couple to maintain a sexual relationship if they are able to do so. I can't add a whole lot without knowing more information like question asked you about..

I did wonder, though, (knowing how exhausting 2 small children can be!) do you feel you might have a fear of becoming pregnant again?
Stacey2005 replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
No, there's no fear of pregnancy b/c DH had a vascectomy after our 2nd. I am not on any medications. . . I have always had irregular periods (currently haven't had one since September) and now am wondering if maybe I have some sort of hormonal imbalance that could be at issue here.
LiLMisShades responded:
Hi Stacey,

I don't think I'll be much help to you, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this! I am the exact mirror of what you are going through. I too am 31, and my husband is 35 (almost 36). We have an almost 13 yr old and a 2 yr old. This started happening with me a while ago and I atributed it to the pill. I went off the pill and that is when we started trying to concieve. Even then, I did not have much of a sex drive, but was driven more because I wanted a child. Since my son has been born my sex life has been none exsistant. I have ABSOLUTELY no interest in sex of any kind with anyone. And, I too feel uncomfortable when the mention of sex comes up or while we are having sex. I feel exhausted all the time and sex seems to be the last thing I want!

I am going to my gyny dr in a few days and had planned to talk with him about it. I don't know if there is some kind of chemical imbalance or if maybe I do need to talk with someone.

I came on here today to see if anyone else is going through this problem because I know it is so unhealthy for our relationship. My husband and I are equally frustrated with this and I'm not sure where else to turn!

So, know that you are not alone and that I truly understand everything that you are going through!

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