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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Trust issues
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Anon_181484 posted:
Hi, several months ago I discovered that my wife was having an inappropriate facebook relationship with a co-worker. Nothing physical happened but I discovered it a week after our second anniversary. I believe it would have continued if I had not confronted her about it. The messages pretty much consisted of him telling her about how he wanted to kiss her and lay her in bed and kiss her and she would respond with comments that pretty much said go on. in later discussions/fights she said that nothing physical would ever have happened and she didnt want him to talk to her that way but liked the way he made her feel pretty (which she insists that Ive always made her feel pretty and she doesnt know why she didnt stop him from messaging her)

We use to never have fights...ever. Now it seems like every few weeks I blow up cause I think of the betrayal and how she made me feel she would not defend our relationship with someone she caimed she didnt even like. Before this it use to kill me to even think of making her cry. Now I could care a less. I love her but have animosity towards her at the same time.

I dont know what to do to stop these feelings. everyday I have to fight off the feelings to be depressed or betrayed or not think about things I want to bring up again. Can one really forget.

Any help? or thoughts

THanks
Reply
 
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queston responded:
Betrayal of trust is a very difficult issue to overcome in a relationship.

I know it's a cliche, but I'd suggest professional counseling. Don't blow this off. It won't go away on its own.
 
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IslandL replied to queston's response:
I agree with the counseling suggestion, and that your feelings are unlikely to go away on their own. Your wife needs to understand why she had a need for this kind of attention, and why she would let it potentially destroy your relationship. You need to be able to have confidence that she would never want to such a thing again. You need a neutral third party to help the two of you dig deep about what allowed this to happen.
 
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dimo25 responded:
had similar experiences with my boyfriend of 4 years, over the years i have caught him texting other females things ranging from " i miss you", "i want to hear your voice" to an explicit text that is too graphic to repeat. he swears that he is just doing it to boost his ego, he has a Very narcassistic personity and he says he just likes the attention but its hurting me and making it SO hard to believe him when he says it doesnt mean anything. he gets mad when i question him about his phone and we always seem to argue about my trust issues. he thinks i should trust himbecause hes home with me all the time and doesnt go out without me. i dont know what to do. i love him and he says it doesnt happen anymore but honestly i think he just got better at hiding it
 
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sluggo45692 replied to dimo25's response:
Boyfriend is not husband. He hasn't been down the aisle with you. If he sexting and you don't like it, he needs to quit it. It doesn't matter how narcassistic he is, your his partner.
Since he's not your husband, your options are legally a lot easier. Your not there to compete with other women for his attention. If he doesn't want to give you what you deserve, move on. 4 years is a long time of wondering if he's stepping out on you. Why live with that stress and heart ache? You love him, but if he's not returning it, then what are you loving him for. Love, respect, and trust in a relationship has to go both ways. If any of these 3 aren't returned, then it not a good relationship.

Good Luck
 
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darlyn05 replied to dimo25's response:
I agree with sluggo45692.


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