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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
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Trust issues
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Anon_181484 posted:
Hi, several months ago I discovered that my wife was having an inappropriate facebook relationship with a co-worker. Nothing physical happened but I discovered it a week after our second anniversary. I believe it would have continued if I had not confronted her about it. The messages pretty much consisted of him telling her about how he wanted to kiss her and lay her in bed and kiss her and she would respond with comments that pretty much said go on. in later discussions/fights she said that nothing physical would ever have happened and she didnt want him to talk to her that way but liked the way he made her feel pretty (which she insists that Ive always made her feel pretty and she doesnt know why she didnt stop him from messaging her)

We use to never have fights...ever. Now it seems like every few weeks I blow up cause I think of the betrayal and how she made me feel she would not defend our relationship with someone she caimed she didnt even like. Before this it use to kill me to even think of making her cry. Now I could care a less. I love her but have animosity towards her at the same time.

I dont know what to do to stop these feelings. everyday I have to fight off the feelings to be depressed or betrayed or not think about things I want to bring up again. Can one really forget.

Any help? or thoughts

THanks
2 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Trust issuesHi, several months ago I discovered that my wife was having an inappropriate facebook relationship with a co-worker. Nothing physical happened but I discovered it a week after our second anniversary. I believe it would have continued if I had not confronted her about it. The messages pretty much consisted of him telling her about how he wanted to kiss her and lay her in bed and kiss her and she would respond with comments that pretty much said go on. in later discussions/fights she said that nothing physical would ever have happened and she didnt want him to talk to her that way but liked the way he made her feel pretty (which she insists that Ive always made her feel pretty and she doesnt know why she didnt stop him from messaging her)<br /><br />We use to never have fights...ever. Now it seems like every few weeks I blow up cause I think of the betrayal and how she made me feel she would not defend our relationship with someone she caimed she didnt even like. Before this it use to kill me to even think of making her cry. Now I could care a less. I love her but have animosity towards her at the same time.<br /><br />I dont know what to do to stop these feelings. everyday I have to fight off the feelings to be depressed or betrayed or not think about things I want to bring up again. Can one really forget.<br /><br />Any help? or thoughts <br /><br />THanks
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queston responded:
Betrayal of trust is a very difficult issue to overcome in a relationship.

I know it's a cliche, but I'd suggest professional counseling. Don't blow this off. It won't go away on its own.
Report This| Share this:Trust issuesBetrayal of trust is a very difficult issue to overcome in a relationship.<br /><br />I know it's a cliche, but I'd suggest professional counseling. Don't blow this off. It won't go away on its own.
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IslandL replied to queston's response:
I agree with the counseling suggestion, and that your feelings are unlikely to go away on their own. Your wife needs to understand why she had a need for this kind of attention, and why she would let it potentially destroy your relationship. You need to be able to have confidence that she would never want to such a thing again. You need a neutral third party to help the two of you dig deep about what allowed this to happen.
Report This| Share this:Trust issuesI agree with the counseling suggestion, and that your feelings are unlikely to go away on their own. Your wife needs to understand <i>why</i> she had a need for this kind of attention, and why she would let it potentially destroy your relationship. You need to be able to have confidence that she would never want to such a thing again. You need a neutral third party to help the two of you dig deep about what allowed this to happen.
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