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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
being "exposed"
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rwood1987 posted:
Hello everyone,
I currently live with my boyfriend of 2.5 years but have had been self-conscious/had body image issues ever since I hit puberty. Needless to say, I have avoided the issue at hand which is that I still feel uncomfortable being naked in front of my boyfriend. When we are intimate, I want the lights out (always) and even though I know he has seen me naked, I prefer we have the lights off. I know positive attitudes could help, but I don't know how to constantly feel good about my body. I work out 3-4x a week, I eat better, I'm 5'3" curvy and was an early-developer with 34DD chest. I always feel the need to lose weight but dating a pastry chef doesn't help in that department. If anyone could help me figure out how to not hate my body and to enjoy being naked with my boyfriend it could greatly help out our relationship. Thank you in advance.
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BalconyBelle responded:
Developing early can be a curse...it happened to me, too. I'd love to tell you how to see your body as a masterpiece, a work of art--one of a kind. At 5'3" and curvy, you're what could be described as a pocket Venus. The Renaissance was widely acknowledged to have spawned some of the greatest works of art in the history of mankind, and there's not a modern model-thin woman to be seen. Being curvy doesn't mean you're not healthy, or that you're not fit. Given your workout schedule, I'd say the opposite is true.

However, you might not be able to see yourself in that light yet, no matter what I say...so why not ask your boyfriend? What does he see when he looks at you? What has he said about your body? Seeing ourselves through the eyes of someone who loves us/cares about us can truly be a revelation. The next time you look yourself, or see yourself in the mirror, imagine you're viewing yourself through his eyes. Hug his words close to your heart, replay them in your mind every time you feel uncertain or insecure. Do it over and over until when you look in the mirror, you see yourself for what you truly are: Beautiful, and uniquely you.
http://erynlockhart.wordpress.com
 
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rwood1987 replied to BalconyBelle's response:
Thank you so much for your kind words! I will do as you say, because he does tell me he loves me just the way I am, thanks for the confidence booster
 
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queston replied to rwood1987's response:
A man's perspective, FWIW.

I'm not precisely sure what women mean when they describe themselves or another woman as "curvy." What a man would mean by that is probably "hourglass-ish": a women with hips, a butt, and a waist that is noticeably narrower than her hips.

Like this:



Again, FWIW, more men seem to prefer this type of body to those "12-year-old boys with breasts" that are held up as the ideal female form by the fashion industry. Don't buy into the hype.

(BTW, a women could definitely be overall heavier than that and still be "curvy" and look great by my estimation--this was just an example I pulled by googling "curvy women.")

I totally agree with BalconyBelle: ask your BF (or other male friends you might feel comfortable asking) about it. I'm guessing he will have plenty to say about how great you look to him in or out of your clothes.
 
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MissCaptainKirk responded:
I think you feel a lot like my sister-in-law does. She's built the exact same way. She, too, is always working out and wanting to lose weight and is very uncomfortable in her body.

But, people like me who are skinny and don't have any curves are reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelly envious of you women with curves. I know that might not help you feel better but it is true.

And I agree with queston that men are more attracted to women with curves. Women are supposed to look like you. And I don't think it will matter what your boyfriend thinks of how you look (even though he obviously is attracted to you, if he's your bf) because ultimately you need to be okay with how you look. You need to be comfortable with your body. Find things about your body that you really like and focus on them. Find actresses/celebrities who are curvy like you (like Scarlette Johanason or Adele) and look to them as your body's role-models instead of all those starving stick-women who everybody is trying to be like.

Much love to you, Lovely <3
 
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missashley1010 responded:
I had to get in on this one. I too am the "curvy" type have exta weight but carry it nicely. Even though my body is very well poportionate I still was very uncomfortable with my body(still am from time to time) The thing that got me to turn those lights on during "fun time" and to take showers with him to not hide my naked body was him.... He makes me feel so sexy and that I turn him on which can be proven...if you catch my drift. Have him tell you what he likes what turns him on and hopefully before you know it you will learn to love the parts of your body even if it a little at atime.
 
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rwood1987 replied to missashley1010's response:
Thanks missashley! I just need to be a grown up, I'm 24 and he's 30. I think I have been self-conscious because he is only the second person I have been with and him being older, I guess I'm afraid he'll judge me, when in reality he just wants to See me. I wish I grew up in the 1950s where my body was glorified instead of now where people want you to look like Keira Knightly with just bones


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