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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
How do I turn things around
Anon_79663 posted:
So I have posted before, my most recent on is how do I motivate my wife. My wife and I have been to one councelng session and was told of some things we need to do. On my part I was to come to bed earlier so we could be together then go work if I need too. Also do little things with gifts (scratch off tickets) and little notes around the house. On her part initiate sex more and where something sexy for me. It has been over six months since we went and I feel that I have held up my end of the bargain. In 9 yrs of marriage she has worn something for me 3-4 times. One of this was our wedding night and the other was within last 6 mos of going to see a counseled she told me once that she thinks she is bi-polar and I told her I didn't think she was bipolar but I thought she was depressed. She has been working out a lot lately and had some trouble with her knee. Later she had something wrong with her hand. Both at diff times but in both cases she made an appt within a wk to see a specialist about it. Since seeing a counseled she was to get some blood work done to find out why she is tired all the time. When she said she felt she was bipolar and I mention depression I told her that she needs to see someone about all three and she hasn't made that effort to see anyone and it's been well over six months. Every 6 mos or so for a majority of our marriage we fall into a rut. I feel isn't being sexy or sexual enough with me while she feels different on why she isn't giving me what I need. When I say different I mean each time it is different reason for her on why I'm not getting my needs met while mine it's always just take care of me So the other day she tells me that that she is feeling distant from me again. I asked if she wanted to g back to counceling and she said no(work has been stressful on me lately and she feels that is why she is feeling that way) it may have something tondo with it, but as a guy. A quick roll in they hey will take care of a lot. The night I leave before a trip for a few days. She tells me that we can't be together that night before I left b/c was going to rain or she felt rain or was raining and b/c of that her legs were hurting. 9 times out of 10 she is on her back and not on top so she really woulddnt need her legs. I even came to bed early and shorty after that she feel asleep. I'm hurt and feel alone b/c I don't know what else I can do. Why is she so quick to check on her knee and arm, yet won't get her mind right for us. At times I feel like I have to be the motivation for both of us all the time which is really stressful. I want her to take the step to seek help as I have already mentioned it a number of times Sorry if I am all over the place, just very frustrated. All suggestions would be helpful
stephs_3_kidz responded:
Do you have children?
Anon_79663 replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
Yes we have 2 kids. 1 and 4. My wife works part time but is picking up a few more hrs to help with some bills. I help out around the house, do laundry dishes and help with the kids.
ImMe26 replied to Anon_79663's response:
1 and 4, you guys are lucky if she can pee by herself....and if she is working partime, that means she is with the kids more, which is very tiring, hard to be a sex kitten when your run down.

IDK have patience, you have very small children, could be kinda slow for awhile. If she is suffering from depression, she really should see someone.

Don't put off tomorrow, what you can accomplish today!! Procrastination is a KILLER!!--ME(26)SO(28)DD1(10yr)DD2(8yr)DS(2yr)SO's-DD(8yr)DS1(6yrs)DD(5yr)LUV THEM ALL ALWAYS WANTED A HUGE FAMILY
Anon_79663 replied to ImMe26's response:
That makes sense. Few things I failed to mention is that even though she wOrks part time the kids are in daycare full-time. She works bout 20 hrs a wk and has increased it to bout 28 hrs wk. We have a maid service that comes by once twice a month Not to toot my own horn but I'm I very hands on father. I help out around the house a lot bat one point I was giving both kids a bath while she watched tv or ate or something. Been on the road for last two days and will prob come home and give at least one of them a bath tonight b/c odds are neither one got a bath. But I will still be ready for sow loving just don't know if she will be
stephs_3_kidz replied to Anon_79663's response:
Well, the maid and the full-time daycare take a lot off her plate, for sure. And I think it's great that you are a hands-on father and do your part around the house.

Since you guys have a 1 year old and she's having feelings that she might be bi-polar, I strongly suggest she see her ob/gyn to discuss post-partum depression, and maybe a counselor. It is a very real possibility that she could be suffering PPD given that your youngest is only a year old. Whether she works part-time or full-time, whether the kids are in daycare or she has a helpful partner around the house----none of that makes a difference if she is suffering emotionally/psychologically. Well, it does, I mean, it's great that you are there for her, but I'm saying it won't alleviate what she is going through if PPD or some other disorder is contributing to her behavior.

Frankly, until she does see someone to get some help for whatever it is she is going through, I don't see much changing.

I had to be on meds for PPD once. It was hard to admit but I was a mess and I only took them for about 6 months....I was a different person about two weeks in.
ImMe26 replied to Anon_79663's response:
Ok well I guess you need to get her into a Dr then.

Sounds like the problem isnt ,she has alot of things going on, just seems maybe she is suffering from post partum depression possibly, your youngest is 1yr old, could be very possible...

Hmmmm....try to have an honest ,open, heart to heart.

I really wish you luck with this everyone deserves to feel wanted/needed/appreciated....if my spouse didnt make me feel sexy, I dont know how long we would last.....
Don't put off tomorrow, what you can accomplish today!! Procrastination is a KILLER!!--ME(26)SO(28)DD1(10yr)DD2(8yr)DS(2yr)SO's-DD(8yr)DS1(6yrs)DD(5yr)LUV THEM ALL ALWAYS WANTED A HUGE FAMILY
ImMe26 replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
Ditto Steph....I just basically said the same thing, didnt realize you already posted it.....
Don't put off tomorrow, what you can accomplish today!! Procrastination is a KILLER!!--ME(26)SO(28)DD1(10yr)DD2(8yr)DS(2yr)SO's-DD(8yr)DS1(6yrs)DD(5yr)LUV THEM ALL ALWAYS WANTED A HUGE FAMILY

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