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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
What's wrong with ME?
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An_243256 posted:
I have been married to my husband for 10 years. He is a great guy, good husband, wonderful father to our 2 young daughters. My husband is a great guy, he's my best friend, I couldn't imagen not being married to him. Here is the problem, I am not sexually attracted to him. Just the thought of having sex with him, repulses me. I literally cringe when we have sex, which is not very often. I do not know why I am like this! I love him, I know that's not the problem, and I know I like sex. It's not his appreaence either, because he is a pretty decent looking man. The thought of sex with someone else doesn't bother me, so why with him. (No, I have not, and will NEVER cheat on him) We are both young, 29. I cannot imagine him not in my life and not being married to him, so what's wrong with me? You cannot even imagen how much I would love to turned on by him and feel some passion. I guess I have felt like this for about 4 years, but I'd say the past 1.5 years it's gotten worse. Someone please help me!
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queston responded:
Did your feelings of sexual non-attraction starts perhaps around the time your daughters were born? It's not that unusual to have hormonal imbalances after childbirth.

Are you on any meds (including the pill)?

Were there any other changes in your life around the time these (non) feelings began?
 
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Mbed08 replied to queston's response:
I guess it was after they were born, but if it is a hormonal imbalance, then why does the thought of sex with HIM bother me? I know I love him, and only want o be with him.
I am not on any medication. and no changes in my life when these feelings started. I am so confused!!!!
 
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3point14 responded:
Have you talked to him about it? Did you ever have a satisfying sex life? What does he do to make you feel sexy or sexual? Are there any fantasies you want to act out, and don't? Would you consider couples' therapy? What are his attitudes towards sex? Is he a giving lover?

Sorry to ask tons of questions. In my opinion, it's one thing for passion to wane and a totally other thing to be actually repulsed by your significant other...Not to be too personal, but have you ever suffered sexual abuse? How do you feel about sex in general?

I'm sorry too, that you're going through this. Neither of you guys deserve to be damned to a sex life you're not happy with, especially so young! I hope you two can work things out.
 
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queston replied to Mbed08's response:
Well, I think it;s possible that the thought of sex *with him* bothers you simply because he's the only one you actually have sex with.

Since any thoughts of sex with anyone else are purely fantasy, then it's really an apples to oranges comparison.

I think 3point14 asks some good questions, and I don't think you should ignore or just "live with" this issue. Longterm, the lack of a satisfying (to both partners) sex life is really, really hard on a marriage.

What does your husband think about this? You said the two of you don;t have sex often, and he must obviously be aware that you're not that into it when you do. Is he OK with all that? Does he complain about the lack of sex or your lack of enthusiasm?


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