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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Where is the motivation?
Anon_79663 posted:
So the other night I tell my wife I want to watch a certain movie. She jokingly(@least I thought) she said we aren't watching Amy movie n the house till we watch the movie she wants to. I don't remember exactly what I said or how we got here but I said I'm watching this movie b/c all the other wkend we had to watch your movie u didn't really bring it up but now that I said somethng about what i wanted to watch u bring up your movie. So she said well I guuess I will watch mine all by myself down stairs. After putting we ut the kids down she said she is going to bed ( which is probably what we would have done if I didn't say anything about a movie). The part that I'm personally struggling with is that it seems that I have to be the motivation in a majority of our marriage. From our sex life, to getting chores done around the house to staying active and working out. To me, it is very stressful to have that type of responsibility it would be nice to have her to take initiative from time to time. Please give me your thoughts and feel free to ask anynquestions for clarification or needed examples.

stephs_3_kidz responded:
The only suggestion I have is that you could have said, can we watch my movie first and then I promise we can watch whatever you like...Other than that, if you're always doing what she wants to do and you have to be the motivator in the relationship it sounds like she needs to learn to compromise. Compromise works best when you're both open to it.

It sounds like you're pretty resentful. How do you feel about your communication skills? Your wife's?

It may be just as simple as the two of you sitting down and calmly discussing your expectations of housework, quality time, sex....Never assume that your spouse knows what you are thinking or is on the same page as you. You never know until you talk about it.

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