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Just Friends
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SamGreen19 posted:
I would like to know what you think of this:
Back in college, i dated a friend of mine for around 9 months. During those months, i cant help but be strongly attached to him. He's a great guy, a gentleman and really sweet. we shared a lot of laughter and heartache. I can tell that i loved him so much and felt loved by him as well. He was my first, no regrets.

Now here's the twist, we never bacame official. He's commited to someone else for 7 years. His Girlfriend is a military nurse. they dont get to see each other often. What they have is more like a long distance relationship. I have to admit, i was the other woman. the thought was so belittling on my part. there came a time when we cant go on. we just have to stop. confrontation came, of course, he chose her. He said he felt guilty about it. i was very hurt, deeply. i never get to tell him how i really felt.

I stopped talking with him for a while, stopped seeing each other. It was so hard to accept that i lost him. after a month, i heard from a common friend that they broke up.Three years passed and we are still good friends. we communicate until now like nothing happened. After him, i had a boyfriend but didnt last long. As for him, he courted two girls already since we stopped dating. Neither of them worked out for him either. Now, we are constantly talking and texting each other. We did go out a few times already. I even celebrated my birthday this year with him and another friend. I feel like I'm falling for him once again. I know i have to hold back. Im so afraid that history might repeat itself. Right now, He's single and unattached. However, what scares me more is the fact that he is courting another girl. I asked him about the new girl, he said he stopped courting her. Recently, they went out on a date, according to him, it meant nothing. They're just friends and also what we are, Just Friends. Despite the fact that we are just friends, i feel happy and excited going out with him. When we are together, he is maliciously sweet. He does things that he never do to his other female friends. I dont want to jump into conclusions. I dont wanna hold on to the idea that we can have a formal relationship. I am one of the few people who really knows him as an individual, not withstanding clueless on the situation.. Recently, we talked about the
past, our past. He said sorry for subjecting me in such predicament. But he'll never regret the times we had shared. He said, he's already reaping his karma.
I'll appreciate whatever advice you can give. Thank You.
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darlyn05 responded:
It sounds to me that you'll be repeating your past and heartache, FWB. It may be that his attraction or affection towards you just doesn't hit the commitment level.

Would you feel comfortable talking with him and directly asking him if the two of you are a couple? Where does he feel or see your relationship as going or currently 'being'?
 
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SamGreen19 replied to darlyn05's response:
would really like to know how he feels about us. The thought is very liberating that i dont have enough courage to ask. Im afraid that if i talk to him on this topic, i might scare him away. That's the last thing i wanna do. I cant afford to lose him. Im torn between the reality of our situation and the emotion i have for him. My head is spinning and i cant think clearly. I am automatically drawn to him. It's kinda impossible for me to abruptly hit the breaks for a stop.
 
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SamGreen19 replied to darlyn05's response:
btw, thanks darlyn05 .i appreciate it
 
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vahvi responded:
if he wanted the both of you to be official, he should've done something about it before. he had a lot of chances but still he's not grabbing any of it. please try to see the situation in another perspective. try looking at it as if you're watching a play. loving someone makes us selfless, but be reminded to save some for yourself.
good luck on this one SamGreen19 . i wish you well.
 
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FaFaTy replied to vahvi's response:
wow emotional ^_^ good advice i agree to this on.
 
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Bunxo responded:
If you want it, get it. Try to approach him on what he really feel for you. Don't hesitate or be afraid what you might find out why he act like that whenever you're together. Don't be contented on what you see each other right now. Don't just be 'the other woman' again. No woman deserves to be no.2.. Woman are being taken care of, not being taken for granted.
 
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SamGreen19 replied to Bunxo's response:
am i loving the wrong person?
 
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An_244471 replied to Bunxo's response:
I've seen too many guys that tried to push their luck by pursuing this kind of situation. And the sad part is, a lot of them would get what they want before the situation is put to an end. I'm not saying that your guy is one of them. I'm also not saying that he isn't. SamGreen19 , you need to learn on how to read between the lines. I don't want to sound bad here, I just want you to be careful with what you're doing, especially because I can see that you are not protecting your "heart" from what I've read. Bunxo is right. Women are supposed to be taken care of, not to be taken for granted. In your situation, since he is aready single now, he actually now has a choice not unlike before. Love should be like ballroom dancing. You cannot dance without a partner. You should meet halfway. And trust me, you'll know when a guy really likes to spend the rest of his life with you. I also agree with vahvi . You should save some love for yourself. No need to rush things dear. Try to look at it at another person's point of view. I know that though may haven't occurred to you because you're so in love with this guy, but always think if all of what you're doing is worth it. Goodluck my friend.
 
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GasOfVitriol replied to SamGreen19's response:
You are not the wrong person. But he may be the wrong person for you. Don't look down on yourself just because someone cannot see your true worth.
 
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vahvi replied to SamGreen19's response:
if you get tired of too much guessing, assessment can be the key. gather subjective and objective data. by objective i mean, not through other people's assumptions and yours. but specifically, his personal stand on the situation.
 
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luiteebird replied to vahvi's response:
I definitely agree with vahvi.. You need facts girl.. Don't be afraid on what you will find out. Better take the risk of asking also, than doing nothing at all..
 
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GasOfVitriol replied to luiteebird's response:
I agree with luiteebird and vahvi . Remember SamGreen19 , the act of loving is not always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes it may rain hard. But keep in mind that immediately after the rain, a rainbow would again appear, and so does the butterflies.
 
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midlandcrisis responded:
don't always expect for things to go your way.
 
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midlandcrisis responded:
you do have nice friends who care about you. looked at their comments and suggestions! you know what you're the only person who can help yourself. the comments and post on this site is just an idea that can help you on your
decisions. like what i've said "don't always expect for things to go your way". take time to assess on both sides. on the first place you should know the consequences when you entered on this stuation. i think you really need to confront him regarding his feelings about you. in that way you'll know what's your possition. and also expect for the worst answer, there's always a possibility that he just want to be your friend no more no less. if thats enough for you, then stop thinking of the possibilities. on your case think of yourself first. there so many fish in the sea. and i believe that if he cant love you back like the love you have for him much better if you wait for someone who will love you the way you want to be love.. and also think if he still deserving on treatment and feelings that you have for him specially if he only sees you as his friend. love yourself friend, and always remember that lots of your friends love you more that the love of that person! always smile


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