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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Wanted to provide an update for those of you who have followed the story about my husbands ex wife. It appears that we are almost at the end of this tragic journey.
On Wednesday she was scheduled for chemotherapy. When they ran her labs her numbers were so alarming that the cancer center called the doctor and insisted that he, personally, come to the center and assess her. Which he did. He sent her right to the hospital for a transfusion. He also admitted her.
On Thursday he explained to her mom and boyfriend that the maintence chemo that she had been on was no longer going to be effective at keeping her pain at a manageable level. He advised that it was time for her to go into a nursing or care facility.
By Friday her pain was so dramatically worse, that he finally ordered that she have as much morphine as was needed to manage the pain. He advised the family that the morphine is not good for her heart, and that at some point she would likely go to sleep and not wake up again. At his estimation, it is doubtful she will live through this week. Steve said that on friday night her morphine machine said 2.0, on saturday it said 8.0 and yesterday it was 12.0. I don't know what that means, but clearly, they are bumping it up as she progresses through this.
The kids have been with us full time since August. They have really only seen her about once a week for maybe an hour at a time since then. She just wasn't up to it, and sometimes she wasn't completely coherent, and her mom and boyfriend were good about making sure that she was having a good day and then called for the kids.
The kids have been up the hosp to see her Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The oldest is totally aware of whats happening. The little ones are not.
Steve and I are just sort of existing in this surreal reality full of tension and anxiety. Every time the phone rings, I swear we jump a foot.
I will post updates as they come, but I am guessing nothing is really going to change much, until everything changes, if you know what I mean.
Good luck to you. My father just died less than a week ago--it is always difficult no matter what the circumstances when a family member dies.
I know you didn't ask for advice, but I'm giving it anyway. She is the children's mother, is that right? I would say tell them very bluntly that she is going to die soon, and take them to see her as much as possible before that happens. Even if she doesn't know they were there, they need to be there and remember that they were there, IMHO.
praying for you. Thank you for being there for the kids yesterday, today ,tomorrow and everyday forward you play a huge role in their lives. As for the older tell her how much you love her and that you are there for her while she goes through the big loss. I think the younger ones and older need to say goodbye before mommy goes to heaven. God bless you all!
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