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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    Update--Singledom, Wheels, Overtime, and ER
    BalconyBelle posted:
    Darlyn05, I've been doing alright. I'm past the numb fury stage to just feeling numb...though that may be the local anesthetic talking. I've been single for two weeks, picked up my 1st set of wheels, finished my first week at my second job, and just got my 1st set of stitches.

    It's very odd to be single again--to see people as potential dates again since I've had blinders on for the past 6 years. I'm not in any hurry to start dating, but the last thing I want to do right now is be at home by reminds me too much of all the time I spent waiting for the phone to ring, or an email to arrive---I was never lonelier in my life than the last two years I spent in that relationship. Right now I'm fine having fun by myself, and while I can't honestly say I enjoy the end of my engagement, I do enjoy the fact that I'm no longer in limbo--I'm no longer the person in a relationship with someone who's never there.

    I picked up my first set of wheels---a gorgeous scooter that gets 90-110mpg, easily goes 50mph, handles like a dream, and it'll tackle in town and side street commutes like a champ; I just can't take my little beauty on the highway. I got it used for a song with just over 3,000mi, and it's still under warranty.

    I made it through my first week juggling two jobs--more or less in one piece after the doctor finished sewing me up. I'm an IT support technician by night, and a bookseller by day...or at least I was until I lost a fight with a box cutter. I sliced my right hand open, got rushed to the ER, and had to get stitches...but ironically, temporarily losing fine motor skills worked out for the best.

    Now, I have the next two weeks to focus on learning my new job at the bookstore, while I take an approved leave of absence from IT until my stitches get removed--then I'll go back to working both shifts. That pretty much rounds out what's happening in my life; and it's keeping me fairly busy so I don't have time to get depressed.

    I think I'm over the worst of the breakup blues...the official end was recent, but the man I love has been gone for quite a while. When he let me know he didn't have time for a relationship anymore, I finally gave up on the idea that I'd ever get him back.
    MarriageandFamilyClinic responded:
    Hey BalconyBelle,

    Sounds like you got the right attitude about moving forward when you say you're not looking to get into a relationship right now. It's probably best to wait until 'the breakup blues' are over. In the mean time, use the time to take an honest inventory and assessment of yourself. What things did you like most about you when you were in your previous relationship? What things did you like least? Right now when you're still single is the best time to fix these things you want to change and strengthen the things you like the most about you.

    On another note, it sounds like you're working a lot (two jobs at least). Make sure you're not distracting yourself from mourning your previous relationship through working a lot. This ultimately only prolongs the mourning stage.

    Feel free to checkout my practice and my blog for more tips or info on breaking up

    darlyn05 responded:
    Hey BalconyBelle! I was initially confused just looking at the title to your post. Not enough coffee for me yet. haha

    A Scooter! I'm envious. I was wanting to get one a few yrs back. And it's still under warranty! How lucky can you get!?! How large of a town do you live in? Population here is about 8500 which includes alot of rural area(what I consider to be rural coming from a large city). What color's the scooter? I imagine your grin from ear to ear.

    I remember that you had a book of yours published. How many stitches did you get? Is the bookstore privately owned or is it a franchise or otherwise widely known like Barnes & Noble?

    If I remember correctly your relationship had evolved into a LDR. Which for some may ease the grieving process due to the distance being in place. I think it's good not to dwell on it and not to isolate ones self. And still allow yourself to feel some saddness if necessary. Take the time to get to know you again and develop a new you also. It is a strange feeling and thought of dating again after being in a relationship. No hurry. As a generalization when your not looking for something is usually when opportunity presents itself.

    Ta Ta for now!
    BalconyBelle replied to darlyn05's response:
    I got exceptionally lucky with my scooter, and I know it. I've been researching different makes and models for months, so when this one came along, I wasn't about to pass it by. It's black with super bright reflective trim, and I'm adding in some extra visibility with a bright fuchsia trench with reflective tape accents and a hot pink custom decal full face helmet. I'm not obnoxiously visible--but I come pretty close

    I live in one of the largest cities in the Midwest, population's about 5 million...There's a lot of other drivers on the road, and I'm hardly the biggest or fastest thing out there, which is why I'll be avoiding the highways. I've got no desire to be a very gory hood ornament.

    I've got two books published now, and I didn't get that many just felt like it because the doctor couldn't numb me down. The bookstore chain where I work is pretty widely known in my state, but probably not a household name nationwide.

    My relationship had become an LDR--which is something I warned him I wasn't cut out for before he moved away. He promised he'd stay in touch, he didn't, and then he decided he'd rather break up than stay in touch for the month and a half we had left in the LDR. I was the one who didn't want an LDR, but I was the one who tried the hardest to make it work...after the breakup I've been asking myself why. I came to conclusion I was fighting for what our relationship had been, not what it was, I was trying to keep us together for the sake of the man I love...but he hadn't been that person for a very long time. The man I'd fallen in love with would never have treated me as forgettable, disposable. There was nothing left worth saving.

    I'd focused so much on trying to keep us together that I'd lost sight of the fact we were no longer a team; that I was trying to save something that no longer exsisted. Reaching those conclusions is helping me a lot. My relationship--at least the one I wanted--was over a long time ago. I just couldn't let myself see it.
    queston replied to BalconyBelle's response:
    My wife and I both have scooters--the little 50cc ones (that top out at about 40mph) are just fine in the small city we live in.

    They are a blast to ride, and one added bonus for me is that, while I usually walk to work, if I need to get there quickly, or run errands at lunch time or something, I can ride the scooter and park right outside my building. If I drive, I have to pay to park and it is much further away.

    We don;t ride them much in the winter, but our climate is fairly mild, so that's really only December and January, more or less.

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