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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
He thinks its good for his morale but its killing me from the inside
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An_245554 posted:
I've been married for 3 years, known each other for 5. There was always a slight distance between the two of us and i always dismissed it thinking he needs his space. When we were dating, he was a strong and confident man. After marriage, he succumbs to everything! Acts like a doormat and everyone from his family, colleagues and boss just take his for granted. I always wondered if it was because responsibilities piled up and tried talking to him, tried to boost his morale sexually but nothing worked. This week i was working on his computer and i came across an online chat history with a woman. Curiosity killed the cat. I found out that he had been chatting with other women online (normal and sexual) since the time we were married. I confronted him and explained how this hurt me. He says that the reason why he does these chatting is to (1) Talking about his problems to total strangers makes him feel good. (2) Satisfying a woman he meets online increased his manliness and felt good about that. He promises that he will never do it again. I love him from the bottom of my heart but i am not able to trust him or leave him alone with the laptop. 3 months pregnant too! If this continues i dont know if i can continue with him and bringing a child into this atmosphere is something that i am not comfortable with. Unable to make a decision. Sleepless nights. Please help!
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relationshipdj responded:
Wow, this is something hard. I understand he's feeling low on himself but there's a difference between helping strangers or talking to them but there's talking explicitly with them. The thing is in down times guys tend to do things that they think will work best for them. One of the worst thing in a relationship is to have a male that feels emasculated. However, I am against the idea of talking sexually with other women to boost his confidence. The person you are with should be the anchor that helps you through whatever it is that's going on in your life and anything outside of that will caused some relationship problem. I do understand why you feel the way you feel. The thing is you have to be able to trust him again. Do you know him to be a sincere guy? has he ever given you any reasons why you can't trust him? Maybe it was only this one time, I would suggest that you take it deep down inside and think of what's best for you, the baby and your relationship. Don't make long term decisions on temporary emotions, I know this may sound a bit like a clich? but just give it some real hard thinking
 
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gkottapa replied to relationshipdj's response:
For the past 2 months i have been constantly checking on him, reading his emails, tried role playing with him, tried talking nasty etc... He says that he respects me too much to indulge with me in all of this! We finally decided to go to a therapist (but unable to find a good one in India) we are trying to find someone online. He has been sincere...he stopped logging onto the chats. He understands the pain i've been through. But i need a therapist pronto cause sleepless nights still come and go. That cant be good for the baby! I love him too much to let go of him...he feels the same way too...we will try to work this out with mutual understanding and communication (and a therapist as soon as we find a good one).


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