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I'm going to indulge only a little detail in this story since it hurts to bring up all of them. Some background first... My hubby and I have been married for a year and a half. Dated for 2 and a half years. We were each other's first sexual partner. This is something I hold in very high esteem, and was so happy and proud to be his only and vice versa.
Well.. turns out he almost violated that. He allowed a terrible friend to live temporarily with us. This person was a terrible influnce to a married man, mainly because he is a bachelor and previously married. (and a selfish jack hole) This person took him out drinking several times and two of the times things happened between my husband and a young woman. Two different women. The first was only a make out session. The second much much worse. But there was no sex. Soon as she left to get a condom my husband put his pants on and left. All the while this "friend" of his sat in the car and let things happen. Since then he confessed everything to me, kicked out his "friend," and has started to "try" to make things up to me. I find it hard everyday to wake up and realize that my wonderful husband did this. I was in complete shock for a week. My life has been nothing but cheating men. My dad, and my ex boyfriend, so trust in men has been scarce. My husband was the only man I ever completely trusted, and now that is gone. Im so hurt and am not sure how exactly to deal with it. Each day is different. Some I wake up in a good mood and want to spend time with him, and some days I dont want to see his face. Anyone have advice on how they made it work after an affair? Or any advice on how to deal with the up and down emotions? Any help would be great, but I dont want to hear anyone telling me to leave him. That is not my choice, but will be if he decided to EVER do this again, no matter what the actions are with the other person.
Now. In most cases I believe that infidelity is grounds for divorce. However, it seems that your husband had a huge reality check and started wondering why he was being so stupid. You need to be sure you do not place the blame on the friend, as your husband is a grown, married man, and the one who committed his life and repeated his vows to you. While the friend sounds like a dirtbag, this lies on your husband. Not the friend, not the other girls.
The friend didn't "let things happen". Your husband let those things happen. No one else. I know people who behave like the friend....but I make a conscious decision to NOT be like that. KWIM. We all make mistakes but I'm particularly concerned that you and your husband have been married such a short period of time and he's already done something like this..?
I've never had to work through an affair, so I don't have any advice as far as how to do that. I do know that this decision to stay in your marriage is YOUR decision, and none of us can tell you otherwise.
I work at an organization called Focus on the Family, and they have some information on their website for couples that are facing circumstances similar to yours. You might want to check out some of their articles here . I pray that you experience security in your marriage, and that your husband will commit to the changes he is trying to make in his life. God bless you!
He needs to understand why he would jeopardize your relationship this way. You need to find a way to deal with the rollercoaster emotions you are experiencing and get back to a place of trust. I know you think this is HIS problem to work on, but if you want to stay in this marriage - and make it stronger - you need to see it as a joint effort.
I know how tough this is, best of luck in working things out.
Best of luck in the future. Reading your initial post, it sounds as if he had a "coming to Jesus" moment when he left while the other girl was out of the room. This leads me to believe, he truly understands the severity of the situation and is willing to make things right. Trust is an easy thing to get but can be extremely difficult to get back if lost. Keep working on it, stay focused and work this out together.
I know how horrible it is to replay them images in your head. I haunted me for a long time until I learned that when I started to think of the horrible things I would brush them thoughts out of my head and think of something happy. It could be something my SO said to me when we first started dating or something completly randome that makes you smile. It dosnt work all the time but most the time it helps me get the subject off my mind quicker. I will agree with you all the way you DONT need couciling that crap. If you dont want to go then dont I didnt..yes its harder but you can heal yourself. Like you said you did nothing wrong so you shouldnt have to do the work. If he cheating because of you I would say do marrige counciling but because he said it was his own stupid selfish reasons then let him fix them. Only you can dedcide if you want counciling if you do yes it could help you deal with the situation. I was the exact same as you and know exactly where your coming from hold your head up! Keep in touch!Are you confident your husbands' would never cheat again? Do you feel having such confidence (in him) doesn't matter?
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