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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Last night I had a dream and I think it is an answer for a question I had for a while. It's a short dream but we can learn from short things too. In my dream my friend was sitting with his wife having a nice time. His wife then needed a straw for a drink and he got up without hesitation and got it for her. In my dream I remember thinking, "why doesn't she just get it herself?" I then woke up. Obviously, when I woke up I was thinking, "what is with me? Of coarse he should get it for his wife." I then realized that my childhood selfishness is still so much with me that it actually bothers me to stop what I am doing to go help my wife. Even if I do it I either do it grudgingly where she realizes that I don't want to do it or I hide it well but inside I feel like, "you're annoying." I know in my childhood I saw very selfish behaviors from my parents. I love my wife and I am very faithful. However, although we have children and no time for each other, I know that if I can be more of a giver we would cherish each other more and want to cherish our time together rather than watching TV or surfing the Internet [or watching my porn >. I'm a good man and I'm asking for friendly support. I'm brand new to this and I'm sure there are very friendly people here to support me. I appreciate all sincere responses.
Here is some advice my wife and I got from a therapist. I can;t say that we've done a great job of following it, but I do know that our relationship tends to be a lot more positive when we do:
Spend at least 30 minutes together, alone, every day. It could be doing something you enjoy, or just talking while you fold the laundry (or whatever). It could walking the dog. It could be sex. But it should be a high priority. In other words, don't fit it in around everything else and then spend time together if there is any time left. Get the kids used to the idea that sometimes you need some "mom and dad" time.
By spending more time together and reconnecting, you will probably gain some increasing empathy for her, which will probably make you more happy to do things for her (and, hopefully, her for you.)
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