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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
How to cope with a cheating partner
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An_246023 posted:
I have been living with this man for 7 yrs. Loved him with all my heart. He was my best friend and I have done everything I possible could for him. I have helped raise his son as if he were my own. From the beginning he has cheated and every time begged me not to leave him saying "I was the ONLY one he wanted". Like a fool I have fell for his lines and thought it would never happen again. Even though it has! This time I'm having a really hard time coping.
We both had lost our jobs and started college. Majoring in the same thing to keep cost down so we are together basically all the time. We keep our cellphones on silent during classes but a few months ago I started getting curious because he started keeping his phone on silent ALL the time and was even sleeping with it in his pj pocket. I knew something was up so I checked the cellphone records and found where he had text the same number 1,500 time in 1 month and hundreds of call. One night after he had fallen asleep with his phone on the charger I looked at his texts there was only one and it said "I love you and miss you so much". When I asked him who he was talking to he tried to lie until I gave him the number and told him I had seen the records and I had seen the text she sent him. He tried to convince me they were only friends, that I have my friends I vent to and she's the friend he vents to but he would stop talking to her if I wanted him to. He stopped hiding things so I thought things were over but he had just started being smarter about it, he would only text her at night after I had gone to bed or when I wasn't around. After a month or so I picked up on the signal again and started checking social network accounts and cell records only to find out that it NEVER ended. But what has gotten me this time is that he has involved his teenage son in his affair. Has even had his son call this woman for him and taking his son places to meet her. When I found this out I flipped! Asking him what kind of morals was he teaching his son? I have already kicked him out of my bedroom and told him I will be leaving as soon as we finish school which will be in a few months. Told him that he has me hating him.But he acts like it is no big deal and continues talking to her.... I am to the point where I feel I am about to explode every time I look at him. How do I make him see what he has done is WRONG??????
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fcl responded:
He knows what he's done is wrong but he's biding his time until you leave.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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Efficient01 responded:
Instead of trying to make him see that what he did was wrong, you need to work on seeing that what he did is a clear reflection of how he feels about you. Don't waste your time trying to change him, he has made it clear (for 7 years according to you) that he doesn't plan to be faithful and that you are NOT the only one he wants.

He isn't going to change, the fact that he is still talking to her after you said you are leaving should be a clear indication of that. It sounds like you have accepted this as the norm in your relationship and I wonder if you really will leave in a few months? You have accepted it for 7 years, why all of a sudden are you done accepting it? Why wait a few months? Do you have friends or family so you can leave now? From what you have posted; I think he is going to suck you in again and then keep cheating on you.


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