Not Meant To Be
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tbkittycat posted:
Do you think some people just aren't meant to be in a relationship with anyone?

My SIL (yes, the same one) recently broke up with her BF and has decided she just wasn't meant to be in a relationship and has decided to focus on being single, getting to know where she lives, and her family.
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darlyn05 responded:
Yes, I think there are people that should not be in a relationship. I'm guessing that your SIL may be taking time to get to know herself as well.
 
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IslandL responded:
I think there are people who have issues to such a degree that make them difficult partners. Mental illnesses, anger management, some physical/health challenges can make others shy away from having a relationship with them.

I think it can be harder for some people to find someone they genuinely connect to than it seems to be for others. It could be a matter of choosing the wrong people. Or not recognizing the right people. It could be a matter of just not meeting enough people - if your social/family circle is small, if your life is going to work, watching tv, going to bed, repeat -you are less likely to be exposed to people you might connect with.

People in relationships know there are so many comprises made, sometimes on a daily basis. I think some people find making those compromises difficult and find being in a relationship a struggle. People who are flexible seem to have an easier time of it opposed to those who get very upset if everything isn't "their way".

As far as your SIL goes, it's not uncommon for people to want to focus on being happy single after a breakup. Being happily single is sometimes looked at as being odd in our couple-oriented society, but I would say it's healthy. Healthier than staying miserable in a relationship year after year. Healthier than bouncing from one relationship right into another, and another, and another out of some kind of fear of being single.

And who knows? If your SIL finds she is happy single, one day she might just connect with another happy single. Happens.
 
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tbkittycat replied to IslandL's response:
IslandL, you've pretty much described my SIL. We think she picks the wrong men or falls for them to fast. Her last BF she had met at a time when she didn't want a relationship and told him that. They had already slept together and he said some real nasty things (she was "too big" down there and her boobs sagged) yet she still became his girlfriend later.

We're wondering how long this phase will last. She goes through these phases, saying she just wants to be single and concentrate on herself, usually after breaking up with someone. After a few months, she meets someone and the cycle starts again.
 
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IslandL replied to tbkittycat's response:
It would be in your SIL's best interest if she spent some time looking at her past relationships and determining if there is a pattern. Sometimes we unconsciously choose similar people, or create dynamics in a relationship that are familiar to us. If SIL has a history of choosing men who prove to be verbally abusive for example, she needs to understand what characteristics these men share that draws her to them. If she can recognize those characteristics when she meets someone who has them, she has a better chance of steering clear.

There are dozens of self-help books out there on dating, relationships and doing "self-work" so that a future relationship will have a better outcome. This would be an ideal time for your SIL to hit the public library and see what's available.
 
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green3121 replied to IslandL's response:
HI there IslandL I recognize you from two years back. Im' here aagain looking for answers. Just want to add to KittyCat's response. I do believe there are people who have a harder time findind someone to connect with. I'm one of them. I know I have to either accept my weaknesses or try to work on them and make them my strength. This is my issue at the moment. I tried getting back to dating but I find that I cannot be with someone unless I clear this insecurities. So I'm at work trying to figure this out but also trying to understand what is it that man look for. Recently I read a book that says men see love differently and that for them the want to find a woman who wants to be protected and supported not only that but that the woman NEEDS them above anything. I have a hard time believieng and I'm very curious to know if this is true. All my life I have been trying to be an independent woman not looking for a man just for the mere convenience of protection and economic support but just to be with him and share a experiences. I feel that If I can provide for myself then the man I'm with will see that what I feel for him is sincere. I'm I wrong in my thinking? Do men actually want a woman who is unable to take care of herself?