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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    Husband Vent
    tmlmtlrl posted:
    Sorry Question, had to steal your title

    Alright to start out I do realize I don't have any place to be complaining. I just am so frustrated right now that I need to let it out and I'm not comfortable saying it to anyone else.

    I have an extremely high libido. When I get sexually frustrated I have a hard time focusing, getting things done, and I get very agitated. Well I'm there. I feel bad complaining at all. The reason my DH hasn't been horny is he's currently working 7am to anywhere between 11pm - 2am. He's tired. He also is fine with it if I take charge and have my way with him. I've done that. I just get to a point where I can't grasp that he doesn't want me ( that's how I feel ). I need that part of the equation. I NEED to be desired and it's driving me crazy that I'm not getting that.

    I have talked with him about this. He knows how I feel. He knows how much sex changes my day. It actually angers me sometimes to know how much control sex has in my life. I know that right now I would be full of energy and getting things done it we had had sex. Ugh.

    I feel like a whiny little brat right now. I have so much good in my life. This desire for my DH to want me just has me all frazzled at the moment so please don't be angry or tell me to suck it up. I know I have to suck it up. I don't think there's much for anyone to say, I just needed to talk about it for a minute to help get it off my mind so I don't eat everything in my house today!!
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
    queston responded:
    LOL. Sounds like we need to put out heads together and see if we can find a solution to both out problems.


    Seriously--I'm sorry. Believe me, I know how you feel.
    tmlmtlrl replied to queston's response:
    I know you do.

    Did you have a nice anniversary? Where did you end up going?

    I LOVE vacations!! We travel a lot in the winter, which is the trade off for insane hours in the summer. Vacation sex is the best!

    See with my head so far at the other end of the spectrum of your wife's it makes it hard for me to understand. It's very frustrating that she doesn't try to meet you in the middle. I mean my DH's motto is "Happy wife, happy life" and he does a good job at it. That makes it hard for me to complain, but I think you understand the level of frustration that can build up when needing your needs met.

    I wish my DH would enjoy lingerie. I love to wear it, I love to feel sexy period, but he just wants it off! It's hard to give on that but I understand because one part of it is he has very calloused hands that just snag on any lingerie. Oh well.

    He's made comment before that maybe I'm going thru my peak or whatever because I'm 35 y/o. I just laughed and told him I've always been this way. And the more I get it the more I want it. Don't get me wrong, our libido's do sync up at different times and sometimes I'm too tired. This is just where I am today.

    HA! My mind won't even let me cheat in my dreams!! How messed up is that?? Or great if we're talking about character, Lol.
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
    queston replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    We had a very low-key trip to another town in our state. We were hoping to take a real trip but we couldn't afford it, what with all the unanticipated travel associated with my father's passing this spring. It was fine. Relaxing, unremarkable.
    MissCaptainKirk replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    -This may post twice, sorry if it does -
    I read all three spouse vents (queston, tmlmtlrl, guardsquealer) and I empathize with all of you. It is tough when the romantic aspect of your relationship is either on life support or dead.

    I feel exactly like tmlmtlrl. To quote Megan Fox, "I have the libido of a fifteen-year-old boy." I love lingerie as well, but i gave up wearing it for his pleasure a long time ago when not only did he not take notice of it, but when I brought it up he told me to stop buying it because it was a waste of money.

    Can someone please explain to me the libido of a man, because I thought they were usually up for sex (no pun intended) most of the time. Unless, of course, they are tired or emotionally distraught, or watching sports on TV.

    And personally my husband doesn't work weird hours and we don't have kids and we see each other pretty often. So I just chalk it up to the porn addiction and wear the lingerie for my own enjoyment.

    But I know you guys also mentioned just romantic quality time in general, and I feel you on that one too. The romance is dead. At least I can still get him to go on dates with me because I pay for my half. But it usually ends up sucking anyway so I don't even want to go on dates.

    And it's kind of tough because the rest of our relationship is improving a lot and I don't want to overlook that. I have had a couple discussions with him about how I feel about the romantic/sex aspect and told him I don't want to ignore how good the other parts of our relationship are getting. But a woman wants to feel desired.

    tmlmtlrl, I know how you feel about your sexual frustration making you grumpy. I've gotten a little short with people at work this past week which I never do so I'm trying to be extra nice to make up for it lol.
    When I'm like tired or falling asleep I definitely have a lot of fantasies which I never had before, I think it is because usually consciously I try not to think about those things but when I'm tired my brain takes over and goes crazy, lol.

    Anyway all this to say that I know how you guys feel and I feel the same way. I look for every opportunity for romance. I purposely get us into romantic situations where there could be fireworks but...not even a spark...
    I feel bad for you guys, and totally understand y'all's frustrations.

    Keep venting, it's good for you. I feel a little better anyway.
    kristinmarie722 responded:
    Ugh- I understand how you feel. For the most part, SO is ready to go so to speak. He usually gets a quickie in the morning before work.

    However, there are times I want more time and the focus more on me. And maybe 3/5 times he will reject me or fall asleep etc. I dont think it's me per say just the circumstances. Tired after work; has something to do, etc

    It makes me sad

    tmlmtlrl replied to kristinmarie722's response:
    Agreed, it is the circumstances. And this time I believe it was a combination of circumstances that got to me. His obvious one and then me dealing with early pms that made me even more sensitive to the situation. I ended up feeling very down for a couple days after this. I was really hard on myself.

    I've been trying really hard to get myself into shape (a shape that I'm comfortable in because my current shape isn't really bad). Even though I have seen definite results, my mind just got the best of me I guess.

    Plus, I gotta say that all the working out has me more energized and even more ready for sex (if that's even possible). Seriously, unless I'm mad or overtired I'm ready.. which as we all know can be a set up for frustration.

    The thing is for me that when I get to the point of feeling how I was I don't even want to talk with my best friend about it because I feel like such a failure. So, it was nice to be able to post here and get it all out.

    Good news is DH has taken very good care of me since my vent
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
    deadmanwalking57 replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
    On lingerie and men's calloused hands.

    Use an emory board on any jagged or rough skin. Or even just use a clean pair of jeans and rough wipe hands, all sides of all fingers. Then use hand lotion, and the hands will be nice and smooth.
    Anon_51595 replied to MissCaptainKirk's response:
    Miss Kirk:
    I find that difficult to believe. No sparks ?

    IMHO couple's need to be evenly matched in desire for each other. Many people hook up based on immediate needs and desires, then fall into a "relationship" and their normal behaviors become dominant.

    Try kissing. If long bouts kissing don't turn him on, then its more like he's bored with you or may be mentally pre-occupied, dreaming of who knows what.

    You want a relationship, but not a dead one, nor an angry one.
    MissCaptainKirk replied to Anon_51595's response:
    It's not very hard to believe if you knew the novel-length story of our marriage, lol, but no reason to go into that.

    I wouldn't say I'm angry. Frustrated, yes. But like everyone has said, this thread is a vent, so I was/am venting. It's just nice to feel like I'm not the only one who struggles with this kind of stuff (even though I of course wish no one else had to go through it). But thank you for your advice!

    Before we were married, we were very matched in desire, and we never "hooked up"...we never had pre-marital sex, even. But of course lots of making out.
    It was a nice, slow relationship that was based on realistic love, and it was really great.

    But of course, things changed after we got married as things often do. And I'm very grateful for how apart from sex and romanticism, all the other aspects of our marriage have greatly improved.

    And believe me, I still try to "put the moves" on him, lol.
    deadmanwalking57 replied to MissCaptainKirk's response:
    Making out can be way better than sex.

    I have a new love interest, and our kissing is not much yet, but not that fun, either.

    Lucky guy, with you "putting the moves" on him. I would think it does not take much convincing.

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