If you need a place to discuss, get feedback, or some advise on relationship, ... more
My Email Digests
Attention All WebMD Community Members:
These message boards are closed to posting. Please head on
over to our new WebMD Message Boards to check out and participate in the great
conversations taking place: https://messageboards.webmd.com/
This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
After a couple nice days two weekends ago, we're back to that no-romance place again.
My wife almost visibly bristles when I touch her in a husband/wife sort of way (I don't mean sexually--I mean like touching her leg when we're on the couch, etc...)
Last Friday night, we found ourselves in the rare situation of being home alone for a couple hours. We had squabbled that morning over something. I asked if she wanted to eat the ice cream I had bought that day. She says "before or after we have sex?" (That's her version of romance.) I was tempted to say no, but I never actually do. So we had the most perfunctory sex ever. Ugh.
This morning, she left for work without saying goodbye. It just feels like she's (barely) going through the motions. I texted her asking what was up with her leaving without saying goodbye. "I got distracted. Sorry."
Maybe you need to learn to say No. Quit reinforcing to her that she has that power over you. So what if she does.. she doesn't need to be on such a high horse about it.
You could've used that as an opening for conversation about sex. Let her know how wonderful it felt when she was receptive to you the other weekend and then ask questions about what's going on in her head and speak your mind.
Remember, opening up a conversation with a compliment breaks down the defensiveness the other person may have about the conversation. Plus saying 'no' to her should get her attention to some extent, just keep talking before she walks away! Lol. You don't even have to say 'no' per se, but don't be so quick to say 'yes' maybe?
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
Sometimes I have "bad behavior" in my relationship with SO. I will act bratty, play hard to get, be rude, etc. Just playing games for whatever reason; I am mad at him, I am PMSing it, whatever. But until I realize I am being stupid and immature or until he stops me from that behavior sometimes I keep doing it. But most times he will step in and stop me from this behavior. So basically he will put his foot down, call me out on my bs, and basically stop feeding into it.
This is what you need to do. Take back some of that control. Stop whininng and start doing.
Yesterday morning, after she left without saying goodbye, I texted her wondering why she did that. I noted that she seemed to be going through the motions, and asked her to tell me what was going on with her "sometime soon." (This was obviously not a conversation we were going to have via text while working, but I didn't want to wait the whole day to note her cold behavior.)
She never followed up on my question or acknowledged in any way. After giving her a day and a half to do so, I asked her about it today. This, of course, led to a huge blowup.
She thinks she did nothing wrong by ignoring my question. It's all just hormones, and I need to deal with it. I'm the bad guy for expecting her to treat me decently.
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
The opinions expressed in WebMD Communities are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. Communities are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service or treatment.
Do not consider Communities as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.