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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Newlywed struggles
giannicole posted:
My husband and I just got married approximately 4 months ago. We have been together for 3 years. Recently, we have been going through some changes: my husband obtaining a career-focused job, myself sustaining a high-stress career, financial burdens; and we seem to be arguing more than either of us would like to be. Usually, we are able to communicate with each other effectively and we both believe in open communication, but it seems to be the little things that have been bringing us down lately. Our patience with each other seems to be wearing thin and we are both willing to recognize it and work on it, but we're not really sure where to start. We have talked about couple's counseling, but that is not a good route for us currently as our financial situation isn't the greatest. Any constructive feedback and input would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you!
An_241873 responded:
To be honest it happens once you get married no matter how long you dated. The little things get to you once you start a family. Hang in there and try discussing what things bother you. Both of you need to be open to compromise to work as a team. Four months is normal to start arguing and finding 'the little things' are more up front. It is ok! Financial stress is also the wost stress. So keep all the communication lines open!
giannicole replied to An_241873's response:
Thanks for your input!
tlkittycat1968 responded:
Also, there are may places that offer free or low cost counseling. If you belong to a church, talk to your pastor.
Danjo responded:
Please remember that there will never be enough money! If you are having financial burdens and your jobs are high stress and take up most of your time and energy, something is out of balance. You both need to reevaluate your priorities. Do you work too hard for not enough money? Do you live beyond your means always wanting more? Because if you have money problems sooner or later you are going to have to replace a furnace or a car or have children and then watch what money problems do.

Do you spend enough fun, quality time with eachother? Are you making that a priority?

Evaluate your budget, your careers and your prioirities and see where you can give and take. arguments are normal, but stress is deadly to a marriage if it goes unresolved.
jss123 responded:
I got married about a year ago (My wife and I knew each other for 12 years. First 10 years was as best friends).

The saying that you only know someone once you've lived with them is so true !!
We argued about EVERYTHING the first few months.

I discovered it took about 8 months before we settled down.
You just need to find your space/boundaries.

Don't keep things bottled up. Say what you feel/think. It clears the air and both of you know will know where you stand.

You just need to settle down. It takes time.
Good luck !!

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