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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
My marriage
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michael15 posted:
Been together for 10 years since dating and marriage for 4. We finally had a baby girl she's 4.5 months now. We've been having issues with communication, depression, and sex. For the beginning two years of marriage I wasn't given enough to her to where she needed to fill the void with make up, shoes, and purses. Afterwards I started to changed my gaming has decreased significantly due to her and baby. That I kinda like made me more mature and realize i need to spend time with them. The real issue is that apparently i made my wife feel unwanted somehow probably due to when she was asleep and if i was horny i would go to the computer rather than wake her up. Which when i did wake her up and got rejected more than enough times seemed almost the better option at times... She didn't tell me when she started growing feeling for this guy at her work place or anything. Now she doesn't know what she wants me or this guy. So right now she wants a trial separation i told her we'll go to marriage counseling and anything to make us work for us and the baby. Because i know how a broken house hurts a baby and the marriage... I'm willing to do whatever it takes or whatever i have to do to get her back. I already tried to put my foot down and stop the trial separation that backfired on me.... I already talked with the guy and told him if she ends up with him i want to punch him. I want the family i started to be okay. I'm open up for any suggestions. I've tried many times for her to talk to me but right now she needs space and times before i get alot out of her.
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queston responded:
Well, let's be honest: you can't stop her from "separating" from you. You can tell her that's not what you want, and that's really about all you can do. If what she needs right now is space and time, then all you can really do right now is give those things to her. You can, of course, make it very clear that you want to be with her and you want to be a family, that you want to get counseling, etc.

Also, I sense that there could be some denial at work here. Women don't usually leave their husbands because they don't buy them enough purses and they masturbate sometimes while she's sleeping. Have you held back here on what the real issues are?
 
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michael15 responded:
Apparently my staying up late once in a while playing call if duty with my dad. Also apparently I verbally abuse her. I don't call her fat or any sort of that degrading but I do curse when I'm angry hot headed. And I do apologize and give her a hug cause I didn't mean it. Like bitch and ect. I never called her the c word.
 
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fcl replied to michael15's response:
So calling her a bitch is less degrading than calling her fat? And you think that an apology and a hug makes up for your lack of respect for her? Well, I'm sorry but it doesn't. Not if you do this repeatedly and your post implies that you do. An apology only works for the first time - it's not a get-out-of-jail-free card... An apology means you won't do it again.

I suggest that you use the separation fruitfully. A little marital counselling to learn how to communicate effectively and some anger management counselling would go a long way. You might even be able to persuade your wife to come back to you if you can show her the effort you made and if you can demonstrate how much you've changed.

Good luck.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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tlkittycat1968 replied to michael15's response:
Compare calling your wife the B word to hammering nails in a fence. Now compare your apologies to pulling out the nails. The holes are still there and unless you do some major repair (counseling), they always will be.
 
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michael15 replied to tlkittycat1968's response:
We're doing marriage counseling now I see a lot of my faults and hope I can correct them. I see what you guys are saying I never did the work to fully fix what I said. Hopefully I can see what the root of my problem is and keep a cool head about me after this... I do hope I can fix everything that's been done. Time and space for us will tell. Especially with the counseling....


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