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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
My issue is that... I have been married to my husband almost two years now (7 years of dating). I am so fed up with him. See I am a mother of three young boys as well as a full-time student. My husband is unemployed and won't lift a finger around the house. See I come home from school, which I am there all day, get my kids off the bus, help them with homework, cook dinner, and clean up. Not only do I have to do all that stuff I got to study all night long. To make the situation worse he wants to always argue and have questions about if I am cheating on him. For instance, he is just down right mean, this morning around 5am I woke up to use the bathroom, and when I came back to bed he took my pillows and wouldn't give them back. So I got angry and he threw my pillows across the room and called me the B word. I am tired of that too. If he loves me why you always have to disrespect me. It hurts my feelings! Anyway, my problems that this semester my grades are suffering from all this drama.At this point i need to make a decision between school or the relationship between my husband. Please someone help me figure this out.
Thanks for your Reply!
Wow, something is going on for your husband. Why does he have to be so mean?
Is it possible that he is suffering some depression or has he always been unemployed and lazy? Maybe he needs some help to get motivated as i can imagine sitting around all day wouldnt be doing him well mentally. I know myself I go stir crazy when have some time off work, but then being a woman, can easily entertain myself with chores or find things to do.
Now to you - you poor thing! No wonder you are frustrated. Not only studying all day, but also tending to the kids, cooking etc. You need to sit down with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him seriously, with trying not to be too judgemental towards him that you are seriously knackered. Tell him that it has come to the point that you are tired of him not helping around the house, that you are tired of him being mean/rude to you and that you are seriously thinking of ending the relationship if something doesnt change.
Does he know this is something you would do? As if not, this will come as a big shock, and hopefully a wake up call.
Dont give in either. He needs to know where you stand. If he doesnt make some changes, then you can rightly do something about ending it. You need to consider your own happiness as well as the kids. Really hope you can sort it out.
From someone who has been in a similar situation (except my hubby does work) for over 30 years and am trying to decide now if I want out. I f he is this unhappy now he probably never will be good to you. You are still young and have a chance to be happy. Don't settle for less than you deserve! Sometimes I wish I had really looked at the warning signs 25 years ago. On the other hand we have had some happy years too.Only you can make that decision.
My heart went out to you as I read about the challenges you are experiencing in your marriage. I recognize that it's frustrating to be disrespected by a spouse that doesn't help much with the kids or house.
Before making such a big decision, I would encourage you to speak with a counselor. Being associated with Focus on the Family, I've found that they have counselors you can talk with over the phone (at no cost to you). You can reach them by calling 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. (MT). There are also some articles available under the Marriage & Relationships section of their website that might be help to you.
I know you are in a tough spot right now. May you have strength for each day. Grace and peace to you.
Has he always been this way? When did things change?
My thought is maybe he's jealous of you. You are moving forward in your life. You are being successful at school and then at home. Sounds like he's just left in the dust -- NOT saying that is your fault or that you should even feel bad at all about it. It's his choice where he is in his life. It's his choice to make a change.
Have you talked with him about any of this (in a non-accusatory way)?
As for the pillow thing and calling you names, he's acting worse than a child. You should not tolerate that at all, not for a second. You need to talk to him and see if he thinks there's a problem here. See if he wants things to change at all. See where does he want life to be next year, 5 years? What does he want from life? From you? What does he see as a successful relationship? Life? Father?
Get his mind going and maybe stop acting like an immature idiot cuz that's not working or going to get him anywhere positive in the future. Good luck.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
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