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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
How Do I Convince My Wife it's OK for Me to Take Cialis?
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ringo1968 posted:
I've suffered from ED for essentially all of my adult life. It works, just not always...and not always very well. Recently, it has gotten worse. I've tried a lot of ways to make it better -- Viagra, therapy, etc. -- without any real success. I started taking Cialis 5mg for daily use. It is like a miracle! My performance is better than it ever has been, and my performance anxiety is gone.

The problem is, my wife absolutely hates the fact that I am taking medicine to address the problem. She distrusts conventional medicine to begin with, and thinks there are other, better ways to deal with the problem -- more therapy, diet changes, etc. She also thinks it means I need a chemical to make me attracted to her. I've tried to explain that's not true, and isn't how the medicine works.

Bottom line, instead of celebrating the fact that we've found something that really works -- not everyone does -- we're fighting about whether to take advantage of this good fortune or not.

What can I say to her to help her see that this is a blessing, not a cures?
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tlkittycat1968 responded:
How about having her talk to your doctor?
 
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fcl responded:
She needs to do a bit of research into the problem. Yes, lifestyle changes may help some ED sufferers to a certain degree but cannot fully change the situation. She needs to understand:

  • that your capability to maintain an erection has nothing to do with your attraction to her - it's a mechanical thing.

  • that Cialis is not a libido enhancer, it is a med. This has nothing to do with desire and lust.

  • a sight more about how the male body works. Ignorance is not always bliss.

If she is totally incapable of understanding your plight and your new-found happiness then I can only see two solutions:

  1. You take her to see your doc and have her/him explain in full all about Cialis so she has some real, medically-founded information from an expert, or
  2. You continue taking it and you stop telling her about it.
What I really don't get is why you're fighting about something like this - what's to fight about? Doesn't she appreciate your new, invigorating sex life? How is her self-esteem, by the way?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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ringo1968 replied to fcl's response:
Thanks to you and to tlkittycat1968 for your responses. I think the idea of having her talk to my doctor is a reasonable one, although I'm not sure she'll go for it. She is convinced MDs are too ready to prescribe a pill to deal with problems that could be solved without chemicals -- ED, depression, high blood pressure, etc. It is worth asking, though.

I can't take it and not tell her. It just wouldn't work.

And I'm with you. I really don't understand why we're fighting about this. She keeps talking about how I'm taking risks with all of the side effects (known and unknown, common and uncommon) when I could probably deal with this other, less risky ways. I've told her that her fears about the side effects are overblown, but that's not persuading her. The doctor visit may be my only hope.

Thanks again for your input. Any other thoughts out there?
 
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darlyn05 responded:
ED is a very common issue across the globe, as with the peri-menopause & menopause symptoms associated with sexual activity such as: libido, dryness, pain, fatigue, irritability, hormone imbalance...... of which there is need for medications. Whether it be prescription lubricant/creme, HRT's, supplements or OTC/off the store shelf remedies.

When you or your wife have a headache or upset stomach or intestinal problem do you take something that will relieve the discomfort? In the past have the two of you used things like lubricants or devices to 'enhance' your pleasures? Why is this thought of differently?(other than her esteem and/or confidence due to this 'common', 'widespread' medical/health condition)

I wonder if her psyche will/would be jolted or questioned about her womanly experiences!?! To include the fear that if unable to pleasure you, might you seek pleasure else where!?!

As FCL pointed out, this has to do with mechanics. Sure diet and exercise(lifestyle changes) "May" help some, and for some people. That doesn't mean it has or will for you. Just like with blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes.... some people need the medication.

Print out an article concerning it from WebMd, or whereever, for her to read up on it(get something from the Dr that explains it). Ask her to learn more about your medical/health condition before she forms an opinion.

I don't particularily care for taking medicines myself. I do have alot of faith in my Dr's. And my Dr's know my feelings concerning this and offer alternative lifestyle changes for me to try first , "unless" there is nothing else other than the medicine. And if the suggestions don't work, it's the medicine.
 
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billnjenn responded:
I hope it's not just her finding an excuse not to have sex with you.

changing the mind of someone that is convinced they are right is one of the hardest things on earth. Especially when they have formed a totally irrational conclusion.

You probably can't do it. It will take someone she trusts with no dog in the hunt.

Good luck and congrats on finding part of your solution.

You may end up just taking the medicine, having great sex and avoiding the issue. Don't forget to remind her that the drug does not make you hard, it just enables her to do it.


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