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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Moved in with new husband that has disabled young adults
booboo53 posted:
I have lived by myself for over 10 years. I took care of my mother for over 8 years until she passed 3 years ago. I finally took control of my life after a divorce many years ago. I married a man that I love very much and dated as a teenager. I am now 59. Problem is - I was renting. So I moved in with my husband. He has a son that is deaf and has MS - but is perfectly capable of taking care of himself and does lots of stuff around the house. Also, his wife has Usher's Disease. She cannot see for the most part - unless it is bright in the house - ugh! She is also deaf. I love these kids. But God help me. I hate living with anyone besides my husband. I find myself having to hide food so that I can eat. They eat like there is no tomorrow. Husband does not want me to hide food and feels there should be enough for everyone. Also, the house. They have 2 rooms (mobile home - ugh!) and we have one very small room. However, hopefully we are putting on an addition in the Spring - a large bedroom for us. I find things of mine that they use and don't ask about. Recently the son and a friend put a bunch of their stuff in my two storage spaces (furniture - sofa, beds, etc.) without even asking me if they could. I was furious to say the least. It's just that they and their 3 dogs (I have 3 cats) ruin my stuff - chew it up and stuff. I have no place yet to put any of my stuff. Truthfully, I keep it in storage to keep it from getting broken.

I feel so selfish.
stephs_3_kidz responded:
You knew about their disabilities and the living situation before you married your husband. It seems like you didn't realize how cramped the quarters would be until you actually moved in.

That having been said, there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries. You HAVE to communicate!! I agree with your husband that hiding of the food is wrong, you have 2 kids with disabilities that probably find food to be a great comfort to them (understandable, given their situations)....

You really need to have a family meeting and sit down with them and put firm boundaries in place, and it can all be discussed and worked out amicably, hopefully. Best of luck!

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