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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Ex wife boundary issues - pretty interesting- and I really need your help.
An_249723 posted:
Background info: We are a mature couple (over 50). Guy is high end professional who's ex-wife's sister has been his secretary during and after the previous marriage (divorced over 10 years ago). His secretary is a nice person, and we have tried to enjoy a cordial communication with each other within the parameters of her answering phone, notary etc (she is legal secretary). No problem there, although I must admit sometimes weird because dealings sometimes have to do with our personal family business. But still tolerable.

Here's the Issue: Ex wife has started to "drop in" to visit her sister almost every day in recent year because she quit her traveling job and now is unemployed. When I stop in to visit my guy at his office (which is 1-2 times a week to bring lunch or to say "Hi, I love you"), ex-wife's car is there and she is visiting her sister. She is remarried, but is a serial cheater and has started to call my guy recently due to some adult child questions. These situations are starting to create friction in our relationship.
What would you do if you were in this situation? And, what do you suggest I do?
fcl responded:
I'm afraid I don't see a problem here. Both your guy and his ex have moved on and have other relationships. What kind of friction is this causing? Also, they will both be bound by "child issues" till the day they die because children don't stop having parents and parents don't stop having concerns about children just because the children are over 18. Can you be more precise about your concerns?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
darlyn05 responded:
Does her sister realise as a legal secretary she is bound not to devulve 'any' client/legal information? Is there a policy that could/should limit visits, regardless if family? Have you mentioned this to your husband? Is there anything else that has brought on this concern?
rolltides replied to darlyn05's response:
This is a small private firm, his. There is another firm, within the building (open spaces) that is sharing space - but not his company. This situation is causing eyebrows being raised by many - that is one of the reasons I know that is it so frequent. With the recent frequency of the visits, and comments by others, this situation has made him come to realizee that policies and procedures are important in any organization - no matter how small. Even if it is only and attorney and 2 assistants.
He is a wonderful guy. Seeing all of the concerns and craziness in being an attorney, he just tries to take a passive role in personal life. It is very unfortunate. He is wealthy, her new husband is not. I think she is seeing that the grass is not always greener. She comes to the office every day now and sits outside his office in the area with her sister for an hour - at least. Her new found behavior is causing concern for many - but me most of all.

Since I started this, he has spoken to the sister verbally, and the ex-wife via email. Ex-wife is a bully and will probably retaliate in some way. I hope not, but we will see how it goes for the future. As I say, unfortunate. Thank you both for your assistance.

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