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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
I'm new here - I need some advice!!
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Anon_1226 posted:
I will try to skim thru the details as much as possible for i know it's hard to read something that goes on and on.....

My boyfriend and I of 7 years live together and have one young child. My problem is, that sometimes my boyfriend will accuse me of cheating on him. I have never cheated on him, i have no plans to and i have told him over and over that i'm happy with him. He thinks this because i cheated on my ex husband, 7 years ago with him. ANY IDEAS TO GET HIM TO STOP?

He also tells me i complain too much and calls me a b**** whenever i voice my opinion on something, when in reality i RARELY ever complain about stuff and all i hear from him is negativity towards everything. He's very pesimitic and has a depressing outlook on things.......With him getting mad at me everytime i have an opinion or suggestion or ask him to do something he makes me feels so belittled, therefore "i'm not allowed to have an opinion" in my eyes, so usually i just let him run over me. I tell him to quit accusing me of things and to stop being so hateful and negative towards me, but then he just says i'm complaining too much. I tell him that he's verbally abusing me and that ticks him off even more. He has a big problem with admitting things and with facing issues. He refuses to see a pyhcologist. ANY IDEAS ON THIS TOO??

I think the root of some of it, is that he has very very low self-esteem. I have tried several things to try and boost it for him.

Thanks in advance for anyone willing to read this and for any advice!!!!
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itsashayduh responded:
Honestly, with the whole being pesimitic.
I have this issue with a few people in my life. I just be overly optimistic about the topic. When ever there is a negitive, point out the positive. Either he will start seeing the positive, or he just wont talk about the negitive.

And if he keeps saying that your cheating on him. Rather than saying that you didn't or that you wouldn't. Try asking him why he feels that way. Have him point out what makes him think that you are sneaking around. And if sound dumb enough, maybe he will drop it.

Other than that, if he does not change and you two are not will to go to a pyhcologist or to therapy, you are in a very unhealthy relationship and should leave. That is just the way it is.
 
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Lish2007 replied to itsashayduh's response:
Thank you for you help.
I have been to a therapist several times by myself, he's the one that refuses to go....she has suggested a few things and has helped a little, but it will only do so much with only half of the party there...
I will continue to point out the positive in everything as i've been doing already, like you said, maybe he'll just eventually "get it"

Whever i ask him to point out reasons and situations where he thinks i'm cheating, he can't come up with any, then he just gets mad and says once a cheater, always a cheater...I completely disagree with that, because i did once with my ex husband because we were very un-happy. Its simply NOT the same situation now and i never have in 7 yrs now.
 
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itsashayduh replied to Lish2007's response:
Sorry i did not reply 3months ago. But, as far as once a cheater always a cheater. I think that is simply untrue as well. My husband cheated on me pretty early in our relationship prior to us being married. He honestly was sorry and we worked through it. It has made us much stronger people today. If i could, i would not take back the fact that he cheated. It still kills me to think about it, but i am over it and i am in love with him.

I really do hope that you are doing better in your relationship! =>
 
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daveswife1959 responded:
Maybe he is the one doing the cheating


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