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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Good days, bad days
nph106 posted:
Tough day today. I made an appointment with a therapist, as I am just not coping very well. I am angry that I even need to do this, although I understand in the long run it will be helpful. I guess what I am struggling with the most is the fact that my husband and I are trying to fix what is broken, putting one foot in front of the other,and my former best friend walks away with an 'oops, my bad'? No one in her world knows what she was a part of, and I am just bitter enough that I need to do something about this. I understand that this gives her more of my energy, but I truly believe I need alittle better closure there. I am seriously thinking of contacting her sister, a good Christian woman who counsel's people within her church. I feel she will be discreet with the information, and helpful to me when the questions start from their family about the end of our friendship. She is not someone I socialize with, we are just aquaintances. OW needs to have some consequences, to give me alittle peace. I know I am bitter, but it is what it is. I will not protect OW or my husband if things come to light before I am ready, but I feel just having someone in her world know what she did to me will let me close that chapter with alittle more satisfaction. Guess I just need some feedback.
darlyn05 responded:
From Jan 2nd to today, Jan 17th, you should pat yourself on the back. I can imagine the torment you are experiencing. Try to hold tight, and let yourself feel what you feel. It wouldn't be healthy to skip. It's no picnic or walk in the park I agree. And it's devastating. The range of emotions can be great.

I'm glad you made an appt with a therapist. A support system is essential. I don't know what to say concerning the OWs sister. Maybe bring that up to your therapist. It didn't sound as though you had people you could talk to about this, so my first thought was if you approach the sister in an objective way seeking some support and guidance 'For Yourself'(confidentially). Explain the situation, you weren't sure where to turn for help, and unfortunately it involved her sister. I'm sure there'll be an answer soon.

Hope your doing ok. Let us know how things are going.
nph106 replied to darlyn05's response:
Thank you for the support. Had my first get together with my husbands sister & sister in law today, my very best friends. Did okay until they started asking about OW, who has betrayed them in the friendship department as much as me! Very tough moment when they talked about setting up another girls weekend w/OW. I am going to have to address that soon, but want to talk to the therapist first for guidance. This truly sucks. The ripple effect is going to be heartbreaking.
darlyn05 replied to nph106's response:
Does your husbands sister & SNL know what transpired / happened between your husband and OW? I'm guessing, hoping not as I think they would not discuss or plan a girls weekend w/OW, let alone talk about it in your presence. What was or how did your husband react/respond to this, either at the time or in private, or was he not around the conversation?
fcl replied to nph106's response:
Honestly, I think I would have grabbed the opportunity to inform them. All they need to know is that she cheated with your husband and that you would rather not see her again. No need to go into any details. The sooner you tell them the better.

It's not good to keep this kind of thing to yourself. However, I wouldn't go to her sister with this because she isn't "involved" the way your SILs are - it would look like revenge. Your SILS, OTOH, really do NEED to know. Also, I'm sure they care enough about you to want to help.

I know you feel that OW should get some sort of payback (for lack of a better word) but she will. Trust me on that. What she did will get around and come back to bite her.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
nph106 replied to darlyn05's response:
No the sis's had no idea. We were at my niece's home for a girl get together. Thought it would be the easiest way to be around family until I was ready to open up. Went well until the discussion came up!
nph106 replied to fcl's response:
Well, I ended up meeting with my sis in laws tonight. They now know what is going on. Very difficult evening, but you were correct. They were nothing but amazing. As I expected, the anger was mostly settled on the OW, since they were also very good friends. Of course they are angry, hurt and disappointed in my husband, but I have hope the relationships will be okay in the long run. I now know that is not my baggage, and they will get where they get to. I have 2 awesome warriors in my corner, that will be with me and my husband through this awful time. Thank you all so much for your helpful feedback. It has really helped me alot.
fcl replied to nph106's response:
I am so glad you did this! It helps so much to have people backing you.

I wish you well and hope your healing process is swift.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

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