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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Relationship/Breaking up help
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rwebb27 posted:
Hello All!
I have been reading a few of the posts on here and learned a thing or two! But I am in need of some advice. I have been with my current girlfriend for over 3 years and have lived with her for a little over 1 and a half. I dont think it is working out for me anymore. All we do is fight. Most days I cant stand to come home from work. Yes, all of you are sayin why dont you break up with her. Well thats where I am asking advice. I always feel bad when we try to break up. I helped her move from an abusive family and now I just cant stand to be near her. Does anyone have any advice on how to break the news?
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darlyn05 responded:
Do you have any children together? Are the two of you independently living together, as in there would be minimum hardship financially for either of you or seperating obligations would be simple? Do you know how she views or feels about the current circumstances of your relationship? Was the abusive family her family of origin? Has she received any form of counseling or help concerning her past? What are 'your' inside feelings for her?
 
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bgesser responded:
Why wait? It just makes you suffer longer.
 
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CoquettishValerie responded:
Uhm... okay. how about you talk about the break up in a calm manner? dont raise your voice on her or anything. acknowledge your mistakes in the same way that you will be pointing out your reasons why you think it wont work out anymore. she will cry, most likely, but, crying is a woman's form of relief. she needs to let it out since breaking up is a difficult thing to accept. but, in the course of your breaking up talk with her DONT EVER leave her hanging. this will be more painful for her and will haunt you too.. ~hope this advice helps.
 
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dameny responded:
If she is in wrong, breaking up is not what you need. All you need is make her realize your importance in her life. Call it a quit even if in your heart you still feel you are dying of feelings. This should give her some 10 to 15 days of life without you. You ought to have your relationship back much better and sweeter than even when you just started.
Problems in relationship only come to strengthen the bond.
Meanwhile, you should also look at your contribution into the troubles in your relationship within these days when she is not in your life.
Hope this helps
 
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ljay13 replied to dameny's response:
Try couples counseling. Trust me being single is not all cracked up to be. Everyone has hidden agendas. You have 3 years on this relationship. Also try a church retreat.
If this doesnt work than walk away from the relationship and atleast you can say you tried everything.
 
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prsist1869 responded:
First, be honest with yourself. Is it really something she's doing that you're unhappy with or have you changed? She knows something is wrong - she can sense it after being in a relationship with you this long. Regardless of what the problem or where it originated, you need to be honest with her and let her know you're not happy anymore. Do you want to fix this or do you just want to walk? If you want to fix it, then offer suggestions such as couseling, a workshop, etc. If you want to walk, without trying to salvage the relationship at all, you need to let her know that up front - gently. She will be upset, that's a given. Whether she expresses that by crying or yelling, she will absolutely express those feelings.

You didn't abuse her when she was in her family, but you're emotionally abusing her now because you're not being true with your heart. No one likes to be emotionally screwed over. If you choose to break up, please highlight this woman's positive characteristics - list all the reasons you fell in love with her (not all the reasons you hate coming home now), and let her know what a great person she is and the problem lies within and give specifics.
 
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displaced83 responded:
I was in a somewhat similar situation, except I'm married. We would fight so much that I would volunteer for double shifts where I work, just to avoid going home. The only thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that life is too short to be anything but happy. Maybe she isn't happy either? I know break ups are hard, and divorces are even harder! I've only been married for a year and a half, but I've been with my husband for almost 5 years. It was the hardest decision I've ever made, but I know it's what's best. If you don't want to be with her, let her find someone who will want to be with her. You need to find someone you want to be with as well!


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