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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
I'm at a loss
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UnSeen posted:
Every time I try to tell my husband what's bothering me, he never wants to accept his part in it. He always fires right back with "You did 'x' to me" It's almost like he never hears a word I say. I'd give anything to have a loving, solid friendship and marriage with him, but more frequently I am coming to the conclusion he doesn't feel the same. He acts embarrassed of me, talks down to me and lashes out at my every small mistake. He has even hidden me from his friends on facebook, and recently slipped up and mentioned that his co-workers had brought their wives along for their company trip. Previously he had made a huge issue of telling me there were no wives allowed. I'm at a loss and don't know what else to do. Talking to him does no good.
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sarachoi responded:
Its better you both take a counseling session.
 
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UnSeen replied to sarachoi's response:
I've mentioned we need counseling, he wants o part of it and my guess is because he would have to listen to a third party tell him his part in the damage to our marriage, or he's afraid he'll actually have to listen to someone else talk for a change.

I'm not perfect, I'll gladly accept and admit that. I know my part in any argument, and I apologize when I'm allowed to, but he's never once told me he is sorry for anything he has done and quite honestly, I don't believe he is. Judging by his actions, or inaction, he has me quite convinced he's satisfied with how he treats me.
 
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fcl responded:
There are so many red flags in your posts that I don't know where to start ...

Do his co-workers even know that you exist? Is it possible that he is hiding your existence because he took someone else to the company trip? Has he always tried to hide you or is this new behaviour?

How long have you been together? Any children? What kind of work do you do?

How about going to counselling on your own? You'd be surprised at how much it can help you sort out your ideas and your priorities... You can only change yourself not other people - so change what you want, what you expect, what you're willing to accept and what you're not willing to accept.

Personally, the company trip episode would have been a dealbreaker for me. There is no way I'd allow anyone to treat me like that. No apology could ever have made up for that degree of humiliation.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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lettemommyof2 replied to fcl's response:
Me and my boyfriend have been together pritty much for a lil over three years and i know how you feel about the co-worker thing......About a year and a half ago after our child was born he got a new job shortly after that, he started acting astrange(wouldn't anwser my phone calls at lunch/break time, Would give "people" rides home, Txt people from work and hide/delete the msg's, And ALOT more!!) anyways,,, back then he never hung around with work friend untill we started getting into arguments, he would leave and go hang out with them and i was never allowed. Because of the way "I acted". We ended up "breaking up" for about three months and during that time all he did was hang out with work friends and drink and whatever. Anyways now we are back together and he doesnt hang out with them anymore. It really hurt my feelings because he never allowed me around them when we where together and when we wernt thats where he always was. Now he doesnt go around them and i cant help but think its because he is with me again. I asked him countless times why. If he was embaressed of me, cheating? What was it? Anyways im sorry i went on and on my point is is that i still dont know what happend or what was going on. And i probably never will, but it still causes trust issues and fights and honestly i think it might have been easier to leave and stay away then go threw this feeling of not knowing. i hope u know you are special and do not diserve this *hugs*


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