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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
New Month
nph106 posted:
Thanks for the replies and helpful thoughts. It has been a good couple of days for me. I feel like getting out of my month of discovery has helped alot. Sadly, my 35th wedding anniversary is in a week, so this month will be good to get past also!! That will be weird for sure. I see my counselor on Tuesday again, and I am really trying to get my head in a better place with that. I did talk to my husband about us seeing a marriage counselor any time now, along with our individual people, and he was open to the idea. That is encouraging to me. I feel like that may be alittle more beneficial to me, as I cannot not see what progress is being made, or not, with his therapist. That unknown factor again. Ugh!
darlyn05 responded:
I'm happy these past few days has been better for you. Maybe your anniversary won't be as weird as you imagine. Don't set yourself up to fail with negative thoughts.

I'm guessing that you and your husband do not discuss your appts., do you talk at all concerning what each of you are learning or gaining from them? Have either of you asked your counselors 'when' would be a good time to begin marriage counseling? I wonder if it might be too soon and more time should be considered for the individual counseling.
nph106 replied to darlyn05's response:
We actually have been discussing our appointments alot. His counselor focuses more on the compulsive aspects of his behavior that led to his cheating, and learning how to handle things differently. They also talk about our situation, but not as much as I feel it needs to be addressed. He asked his guy today about the marriage counseling in conjuntion w/our separate meetings, and he seemed to think it would be beneficial. He did suggest I set someone up with the help of my counselor, so that it would feel alittle safer to me, and I really appreciated that. I meet with my gal tomorrow, so we'll see what transpires, I guess.
darlyn05 replied to nph106's response:
To me it sounds that his counselor is taking the right approach for his individual needs. This in turn I think would also benefit future encounters within your social circle. I'm hoping your counselor is validating you, and you're learning new ways to cope better with this tragedy. Maybe the two of you can find a new hobby or activity you both really enjoy(branching out of the old circle).

Let us know how things are going. And in case I miss it, 'Happy Anniversary'!
nph106 replied to darlyn05's response:
Sorry I missed your post. We went to visit new babies in our family so have been gone a few days. What a surreal experience for me. This branch of my family has had very serious, multiple medical issues crop up just as I discovered the affair. This sis is my closest friend, so spending 3 days with the huge elephant in the room, that only husband & I knew was there, was unbelievably hard. Someday I will visit with her about what has happened, but not now. The trip did, I think, bring home to my spouse again what he has put in jeopardy in our lives. Pretty beneficial, I think. He never goes with me on these treks, so big change there already. Thank you for the anniversary wishes. I guess we will see what happens.

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