Couples Coping Support Group

I think I better mention I'd like to think I'm an open-minded woman. I'd like to think that I can reason with and talk myself down from a lot of my emotions- they tend to hit like a tornado - little warning, often leaving behind a disaster that's difficult to recover from...

I'm also a 27-yo with a lot of bedroom experience. (Yes, this is unfortunately relevant.)

He's 27, works at fast food 30 miles away from our super-rural home. When I met him, he was a 20yo virgin that could barely speak to anyone, much less girls, because he had such terrible self esteem.

Though we don't technically have an open relationship, I'm bisexual, and we've had a fling with another woman before... nothing I felt threatened by, y'know?

On to the trouble... he's been flirting with a girl he works with (barely 18). Too young even if she is mature. My rule is that nothing can happen without me being there, not even kissing. One point of that rule - and making sure potential bedmates know it - is to ensure there isn't much chance for an emotional attachment to grow that I don't see. I worried I'd not be comfortable with it. Suddenly I'd no longer be the "cool" wife that let things like this happen in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it too... that time.

Such an insecure wreck I've been... let me back up a little.

We took her to her home when she didn't have a ride a few nights ago. This was the first time I'd seen the girl. She is thinner than me, has larger breasts, knows how to apply makeup, and has the cutest giggle. I'm attracted. She wanted to kiss him without me there, but did it in front of me... I saw it right away, later to be confirmed vocally by both of them. They have fallen in love. Not lust. Love.

My husband and I used to talk about finding a girl to add to the family, sort of like Aiel sister-wives if anyone gets the reference. I like the theory well enough, but now that we have reached this point, I find myself unable to cope with the diversity of my emotions, I can't even keep a meal down. I guess that could be good for losing weight, but I digress...

My husband says he doesn't want to lose me, and he will put a stop to this if I want him to. That's just it. I can't ask him to stop this. It has to be her decision, because there isn't much I hate about myself more than the jealousy that wants to fire up at odd moments. I don't think I would mind if they didn't already have such a strong emotional bond, if I was on a level playing field with him or there was any room for me in it. I don't believe she is bi-curious in the slightest, as the few kisses I stole from her were decidedly awkward, nothing compared to the fire I saw in them. THEIR relationship has nothing to do with me. I'm certain that for wanting to give him the same joy he has given me, I'll end up allowing it to continue in the same vein. Without me, like she wants.

What's wrong with me?

Why can't I let him do the right thing, and end it? I told him, "Not because of me." Though I was shivering with dread when I said it. I don't want to be that jealous woman, and aside from internalizing what I feel about it (not healthy, as our relationship is built on honesty), I don't know how else to NOT be jealous and still have him know that I would go to the ends of the earth to make him happy. She is young, lovely, charismatic, everything I am to him and more. My only advantage over her is proverbially slim - we have kids and history.

I fear I've set myself up to compete with another woman rather than have another simple fling. I don't have the fortitude for this. I'm already in agony, and I can't even make myself tell him that because he deserves the ego boost and I love him too much! I cry when I'm alone, I throw up, I feel numb... I hate myself.

What can I do besides leave so he can have what he deserves?