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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
New Boyfriend still Married. Soon to be ex- wife wants him back ! Suspicious Feelings !
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Tammie1976 posted:
I'm in a new relationship with a man that is separated from his wife, dating now for 2 months. He made sure I was ok with the fact that his divorce was not final yet, and I was ok with it at the time. He was initially looking for casual dating not serious relationship. But sparks flew ! We where head over heels about each other. We decided to date exclusively. He tells me he is in love with me. We have sex 4 times. I could tell something was on his mind. His soon to be ex-wife found out he was dating, and keeps messaging him while we are together, wanting him back. Reason for divorce is she cheated on him twice. He assures me he is not going back. He confided in me that he feels guilty for having sex after because he is still married, and doesn't want to anymore. But still wants relationship. Every time we are together she is messaging him, and he responds I feel like him responding to her keeps interfering with us. I asked him last night to stop responding to her if its over, because I felt disrespected. They have no children or any other reason to communicate. I'm scare he is maybe misleading me about their relationship, he said he was confused about some things after we talked what is my next step? I think I love him, but don't want to get hurt ?!?

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Is it safe to date before divorce is final ? Soon to be ex-wife always messaging wanting him back. He continues to communicate with her. Scared he is not being honest with me or with himself.Because he replies. Tells me he is not going back. He seems distant.
  • Ask him to stop replying.
  • Stop dating until divorced.
  • Talk and give him time to himself.
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fcl responded:
Do they have children?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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fcl replied to fcl's response:
Ooops, sorry, I've just seen that they haven't.

All he has to do is turn off his phone when he's with you ... so why doesn't he?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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BalconyBelle responded:
FCL asked a very good question. Quite frankly, your description of your relationship is sending up a lot of red flags. In my opinion, it sounds as though he's having second thoughts about whether he actually wants a divorce, and he's feeling guilty/regrets sleeping with you while he's still married to his wife. He actually told you he doesn't want to sleep with you anymore.

There's not really a good reason to continually accept her calls while he's with you if he's truly done with his marriage. From your description, it sounds like they separated pretty much immediately after he found out about her infidelity, and he had in mind a series of casual 'dates' to help him get over a cheating spouse. Instead, he met you. He may actually care about you...but legally, he's still married--and he still feels married. He might also not be ready to start another committed relationship given what's happened (as well as the fact that his last committed relationship isn't technically over yet).

In my opinion, there's nothing to be gained in staying in this relationship unless he decides he wants you, and only you, in his life. A good indication of that would be finalizing the divorce & for him to stop taking her calls. Right now, he can't seem to decide between you and his wife...and you're going to get hurt.
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gd9900 responded:
Has he shown you the divorce papers? If they are seriously contemplating a divorce, the "stbx" shouldn't be texting or any other form of communicating she wants him back. He shouldn't be responding to her either, but he is and I'd say there are some unresolved issues going on. So far as your next step, be cautious and protect your heart. Consider talking with him about how you feel (loving him but afraid of getting hurt) and give him some space to figure things out. If he really does want to move on and he cares about you he will proceed with the divorce. Still, I'd consider pursuing anything further with him emotionally or physically until after the divorce is final. Good luck!
 
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An_252425 responded:
He's cheating on you with his ex because they are still married. Dont date married men. It never works. He is rebounding and you will get hurt. It's happened to several people I know. My ex did the same thing and was cheating on his new girlfriend because he was confused about his feelings. He wanted us both.... cake and eat it tooooo....
 
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An_255813 responded:
Come are you people for real?? why are you even reply to this?? An ad for a spell caster?? Come on why is this even up?? Think people you know this is a scam!!!


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