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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
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An_250315 posted:
I got out of a serious relationship about 9 months ago,

since then I've started dating. Recently I was dating 3 guys, just dates here and there nothing serious.

The third guy I started dating, I really like him. I wanted to be up front with him and let him know that I was dating other people too. He was totally fine with it. We did talk about how we were both in places in our lives where when we decided to date we were dating looking more at the future, being a bit more serious with life etc.

Now I only want to date him, I broke it off with the other guys... When I'm with the guy I want to date he's super affectionate, great to be around, all that. but when we're apart we never text or call each other. We're both busy with work and school, our friends are important to us.

Oh yeah, he just got out of a serious relationship 3 months ago.

I'm thinking he's not in a place to date, but I wanted to talk to him.

Tell him the casual dating thing wasn't working for me anymore, and just give him the option. I don't want it to sound like an ultimatum, if he says no I'll just go on with my life and be single. Focus on me.

How should I approach this? Am I making sense?
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darlyn05 responded:
"Tell him the casual dating thing wasn't working for me anymore, and just give him the option."

What other option are you thinking of? Can you tell him that you stopped dating the other guys because you wanted to be exclusive with him and ask what or how he thinks/feels about doing so?
 
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stevesmw responded:
I had "the talk" about 35 years ago. I had my first real girlfriend and was having a really great time, but the relationship had no long term future. I met my wife at work. She was separated from her husband. We eventually got into a relationship. I told my girlfriend that our relationship would no longer be exclusive and she was fine with that. For a while I was having more fun than I ever had in my life. Then there was "the talk" from my wife to be. "The relationship needs to move forward or it's over". She was aware of my girlfriend. I was completely honest with both of them. Moving forward meant ending the relationship with my girlfriend. I determined that the relationship with my wife to be had a future; house children etc. I made the commitment and we were married a few years later. We are still married, but the end of the story wasn't happily ever after.
 
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tracilee45 replied to darlyn05's response:
I did talk to him and it worked!

Well I told him how I felt and he agreed, we needed something more for it to be a sustainable relationship. He needed a couple of days to think about it but he came back and agreed.

We decided to be exclusive, while not using the titles of bf and gf.

After a lot of talking we decided on having a medium size relationship and seeing how it goes. We are both very busy with work and school and our own lives.

It worked out better than I expected.
It's amazing how communicating actually works, esp in the beginning. I feel like I'm able to bring up almost anything and he's willing to talk about it, give me his insight and understand where he's coming from.
 
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tracilee45 replied to stevesmw's response:
So I'm sort of a mixture between you and your life.

"dating" has been a lot of fun, but the confliction of keeping emotions under control... the what did i talk to with this person? or this person? or have I already told this story. I wasn't getting tangled in lies, but I had a hard time actually building feelings for the people I was dating.

Do you regret making the decision? Did you feel pressured to make the decision?

Was the reason for your decision your future? But you felt more strongly for your other girlfriend?
 
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stevesmw replied to tracilee45's response:
I regret making the decision based what happened in the future. If a person has emotional problems loving them won't make it right.
Sure I felt pressured. It was an ultimatum.

My girlfriend was the perfect date. We had a lot of fun and were honest with each other. Unfortunately she had health issues and was on permanent disablility. Not a person to have the house and kids with. My wife to be was a peer at work and much healthier.

For me to have feelings for someone, I need to know them for a while. My wife to be moved in with me for a year before we were married.

I have always been very affectionate, but not much on the emotional side. If I found myself dating again, I would be content with mutiple casual relationships as long as they were based on honesty and muutal self respect.


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