Couples Coping Support Group
If you need a place to discuss, get feedback, or some advise on relationship, ... more
Announcements
This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Daughter dating my "best" friend?
GuardSquealer posted:
My daughter recently broke up with her boyfriend of about 2 years. My wife and I have long wanted her to do so, but we tried not to get involved. So we were rather happy when they finally did break up. She is turning 20 soon.
About 5 years ago, a young man contacted me about doing some business together baling hay. It isn't my full time job, but in the summers I do it to keep the costs down at our horse boarding stable. Through the years, he and I became good friends. He helps me do a lot of work around the farm, and I pay him for the help, but he also helps with other things and goes on road trips with me when I need the company.
I suppose to him I am more of a father figure, his dad is pretty much a dead beat, and he contacted me after his grandfather passed away and he didn't have anyway of getting the fields baled. He grandfather pretty much raised him.
But I pretty much talked to him daily and I can always count on him when I need his help. He said from the beginning he would never date my daughter due to the fact that our business relationship and friendship was more important to him, so he wouldn't let a woman get in the way of that.
Well after my daughter broke up I noticed my daughter started to do more things with him and I. And soon they were doing things together just as friends, since she didn't really have a lot of things to do. Well after a week or two I figured out that they were definitly doing more than hanging out.
I am sad because I feel that he has betrayed our friendship, I really do like him, but would not have picked him for her to date. Primarily because he told me everthing about his previous relationships. I guess I lived vicariously through his adventures, but now I don't like the thought of him being with my daughter in that manner. And I am not sure if our friendship can ever be the same now.
Then I also have issues with my daughter becoming intimate with him rather quickly. I know that most of the women I dated, I had in bed the first date, including her mother, my wife. But I sort of hold a higher standard for my daughter. I know that were because she would say she was going out and then wouldn't be home wihen I would leave for work early in the morning. I don't know what to expect today, but I would have been happy if they dated for a year or two before having sex. lol
So I have a couple issues I guess, losing a friend or at least losing some aspects of our relationship and my daughter being intimate with him so quickly so often.
Maybe somewhat a vent but I need some where to vent about it.
About 5 years ago, a young man contacted me about doing some business together baling hay. It isn't my full time job, but in the summers I do it to keep the costs down at our horse boarding stable. Through the years, he and I became good friends. He helps me do a lot of work around the farm, and I pay him for the help, but he also helps with other things and goes on road trips with me when I need the company.
I suppose to him I am more of a father figure, his dad is pretty much a dead beat, and he contacted me after his grandfather passed away and he didn't have anyway of getting the fields baled. He grandfather pretty much raised him.
But I pretty much talked to him daily and I can always count on him when I need his help. He said from the beginning he would never date my daughter due to the fact that our business relationship and friendship was more important to him, so he wouldn't let a woman get in the way of that.
Well after my daughter broke up I noticed my daughter started to do more things with him and I. And soon they were doing things together just as friends, since she didn't really have a lot of things to do. Well after a week or two I figured out that they were definitly doing more than hanging out.
I am sad because I feel that he has betrayed our friendship, I really do like him, but would not have picked him for her to date. Primarily because he told me everthing about his previous relationships. I guess I lived vicariously through his adventures, but now I don't like the thought of him being with my daughter in that manner. And I am not sure if our friendship can ever be the same now.
Then I also have issues with my daughter becoming intimate with him rather quickly. I know that most of the women I dated, I had in bed the first date, including her mother, my wife. But I sort of hold a higher standard for my daughter. I know that were because she would say she was going out and then wouldn't be home wihen I would leave for work early in the morning. I don't know what to expect today, but I would have been happy if they dated for a year or two before having sex. lol
So I have a couple issues I guess, losing a friend or at least losing some aspects of our relationship and my daughter being intimate with him so quickly so often.
Maybe somewhat a vent but I need some where to vent about it.
3 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Daughter dating my "best" friend?My daughter recently broke up with her boyfriend of about 2 years. My wife and I have long wanted her to do so, but we tried not to get involved. So we were rather happy when they finally did break up. She is turning 20 soon. <br />About 5 years ago, a young man contacted me about doing some business together baling hay. It isn't my full time job, but in the summers I do it to keep the costs down at our horse boarding stable. Through the years, he and I became good friends. He helps me do a lot of work around the farm, and I pay him for the help, but he also helps with other things and goes on road trips with me when I need the company. <br /> <br />I suppose to him I am more of a father figure, his dad is pretty much a dead beat, and he contacted me after his grandfather passed away and he didn't have anyway of getting the fields baled. He grandfather pretty much raised him. <br /> <br />But I pretty much talked to him daily and I can always count on him when I need his help. He said from the beginning he would never date my daughter due to the fact that our business relationship and friendship was more important to him, so he wouldn't let a woman get in the way of that. <br /> <br />Well after my daughter broke up I noticed my daughter started to do more things with him and I. And soon they were doing things together just as friends, since she didn't really have a lot of things to do. Well after a week or two I figured out that they were definitly doing more than hanging out. <br /> <br />I am sad because I feel that he has betrayed our friendship, I really do like him, but would not have picked him for her to date. Primarily because he told me everthing about his previous relationships. I guess I lived vicariously through his adventures, but now I don't like the thought of him being with my daughter in that manner. And I am not sure if our friendship can ever be the same now. <br /> <br />Then I also have issues with my daughter becoming intimate with him rather quickly. I know that most of the women I dated, I had in bed the first date, including her mother, my wife. But I sort of hold a higher standard for my daughter. I know that were because she would say she was going out and then wouldn't be home wihen I would leave for work early in the morning. I don't know what to expect today, but I would have been happy if they dated for a year or two before having sex. lol<br /> <br />So I have a couple issues I guess, losing a friend or at least losing some aspects of our relationship and my daughter being intimate with him so quickly so often. <br /> <br />Maybe somewhat a vent but I need some where to vent about it.
darlyn05 responded:
Hey Guard! Wow, that's a tough one. Not sure how I would handle this. First thought I'd have I guess would be a talk with him(probably more like a threat) of not repeating his past behaviors with your daughter and then the possible repercussions of working together and your sense of betrayal. And then perhaps a gentle heads up conversation with the daughter(although I think you covered that in the past generally speaking of inside the mind and body of a guy).
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
Report This| Share this:Daughter dating my "best" friend?Hey Guard! Wow, that's a tough one. Not sure how I would handle this. First thought I'd have I guess would be a talk with him(probably more like a threat) of not repeating his past behaviors with your daughter and then the possible repercussions of working together and your sense of betrayal. And then perhaps a gentle heads up conversation with the daughter(although I think you covered that in the past generally speaking of inside the mind and body of a guy).<br /> <br />Good Luck!
1nt3rnalC0mbu5t1on responded:
Guard,
Yes, i would say your in a bit of a pickle. But as you have grown close to this young man, do you think he is a good guy? Seems like he is really reliable and a hard worker. Sadly as I am sure you probably know, that you cant really pick who you fall in love with. It can just happen and even tho he said he never would date her, I dont know if you can hold that against him. For the simple fact that he probably had no intentions of dating her and then they got to know each other.
On the other hand, your daughter who just got out of a relationship, got involved with someone rather quickly, she may just be trying to fill a void. I dont think having a conversation with the guy is a bad idea...i wouldnt make it a threat. Just speak candidly with him, you two seem very close, he should appreciate that sort of honesty. You obviously respect him, so just tell him how you feel about the situation. Get his thoughts about whats going on in his head and where he stands on all of this.
Ultimately your daughter is an adult now and as much as she will always be your little girl, you have to cross your fingers that she listened to all advice you have given her in her lifetime. Given how quickly this guy began to look up to you in that sort of fashion, Im pretty sure you did a great job raising your daughter. The hardest part about being a parent is letting go and letting them fly on their own.
Best of Luck!
IC
Yes, i would say your in a bit of a pickle. But as you have grown close to this young man, do you think he is a good guy? Seems like he is really reliable and a hard worker. Sadly as I am sure you probably know, that you cant really pick who you fall in love with. It can just happen and even tho he said he never would date her, I dont know if you can hold that against him. For the simple fact that he probably had no intentions of dating her and then they got to know each other.
On the other hand, your daughter who just got out of a relationship, got involved with someone rather quickly, she may just be trying to fill a void. I dont think having a conversation with the guy is a bad idea...i wouldnt make it a threat. Just speak candidly with him, you two seem very close, he should appreciate that sort of honesty. You obviously respect him, so just tell him how you feel about the situation. Get his thoughts about whats going on in his head and where he stands on all of this.
Ultimately your daughter is an adult now and as much as she will always be your little girl, you have to cross your fingers that she listened to all advice you have given her in her lifetime. Given how quickly this guy began to look up to you in that sort of fashion, Im pretty sure you did a great job raising your daughter. The hardest part about being a parent is letting go and letting them fly on their own.
Best of Luck!
IC
Report This| Share this:Daughter dating my "best" friend?Guard,<br /> <br />Yes, i would say your in a bit of a pickle. But as you have grown close to this young man, do you think he is a good guy? Seems like he is really reliable and a hard worker. Sadly as I am sure you probably know, that you cant really pick who you fall in love with. It can just happen and even tho he said he never would date her, I dont know if you can hold that against him. For the simple fact that he probably had no intentions of dating her and then they got to know each other. <br /> <br />On the other hand, your daughter who just got out of a relationship, got involved with someone rather quickly, she may just be trying to fill a void. I dont think having a conversation with the guy is a bad idea...i wouldnt make it a threat. Just speak candidly with him, you two seem very close, he should appreciate that sort of honesty. You obviously respect him, so just tell him how you feel about the situation. Get his thoughts about whats going on in his head and where he stands on all of this. <br /> <br />Ultimately your daughter is an adult now and as much as she will always be your little girl, you have to cross your fingers that she listened to all advice you have given her in her lifetime. Given how quickly this guy began to look up to you in that sort of fashion, Im pretty sure you did a great job raising your daughter. The hardest part about being a parent is letting go and letting them fly on their own. <br /> <br />Best of Luck!<br /> <br />IC
GuardSquealer responded:
I have been getting along with him ok. He is a decent young man. Only problem is he isn't super motivated to get a real job. He does work for me on occasion, but I am not in the position to hire someone full time. A good friend of mine hired him full time about 2 years ago, and he did a good job. He just felt he worked to hard for the amount of pay. So he quit and went to work for his ex girlfriends father, he did that until this past summer then quit to bale hay with me. I can keep him busy about two months of the year doing hay.
My neighbor wanted to talk to him about a full time job, but he didn't even go down to talk to him. I have talked to him about starting a couple businesses. And I believe he would work hard in a venture like that, but the businesses I have thought of starting with him require some capital and I am not in the position to invest a ton of money in the unknown right now.
So for now they are having fun, and hopefully it will be a happy story.
My neighbor wanted to talk to him about a full time job, but he didn't even go down to talk to him. I have talked to him about starting a couple businesses. And I believe he would work hard in a venture like that, but the businesses I have thought of starting with him require some capital and I am not in the position to invest a ton of money in the unknown right now.
So for now they are having fun, and hopefully it will be a happy story.
Report This| Share this:Daughter dating my "best" friend?I have been getting along with him ok. He is a decent young man. Only problem is he isn't super motivated to get a real job. He does work for me on occasion, but I am not in the position to hire someone full time. A good friend of mine hired him full time about 2 years ago, and he did a good job. He just felt he worked to hard for the amount of pay. So he quit and went to work for his ex girlfriends father, he did that until this past summer then quit to bale hay with me. I can keep him busy about two months of the year doing hay. <br /> <br />My neighbor wanted to talk to him about a full time job, but he didn't even go down to talk to him. I have talked to him about starting a couple businesses. And I believe he would work hard in a venture like that, but the businesses I have thought of starting with him require some capital and I am not in the position to invest a ton of money in the unknown right now. <br /> <br />So for now they are having fun, and hopefully it will be a happy story.
See Related Sex & Relationships Communities
Spotlight: Member Stories
I am 50 yo. Was married to my high school sweetheart for more than 25 years. It was a horrible marriage but we have 2 wonderful sons together. My olde...More
Helpful Tips
Eye contact during sex
Dont make eye contact during sex. You will have less guilt later. Trust me. More
Was this Helpful?
416
of
581 found this helpful
Helpful Resources
Related News
Report Problems to the
Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Other Member Communities
- Dieting Club: 10 - 25 Lbs Member Community Share Your Tips and Support!
- Caregiving Member Community The Support and Understanding You Need!
- Parenting Friends Talking Member Community Get Support from Members Like You!
-
More Related Communities
The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.
Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.
Health Solutions From Our Sponsors
About WebMD Advertise With Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Sponsor Policy Site Map Careers Contact Us
First Aid WebMD Magazine WebMD Health Record WebMD Mobile Newsletters Dictionary Physician Directory
©2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.