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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    This might sound crazy but....
    avatar
    displaced83 posted:
    As some of you know from a previous post, I am in the middle of a divorce. As far as the romantic and emotional aspect of the marriage, that has been gone for almost a year. It was comparable to me being the mother of a teenage son who had no job and was lazy all day. For better or worse, during this time I started talking to guys on a dating site. It wasn't the best idea I ever had, but it certainly wasn't the worst. Now that I have actually moved out and away from my husband, I would like to go on dates with guys again. The love was gone from my marriage a long time ago. It was more concern over money and putting him out on the street that kept me from leaving sooner. I don't know if it's morally right or wrong to start dating, but I'd really like to. Not necessarily for anything serious. Just simply to see what is out there and feel like a human being again. Is this a bad idea or should I go for it?
    Reply
     
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    darlyn05 responded:
    Have you filed for the divorce yet? Have you had the initial hearing yet(if one is required)?

    If you have already made up your mind for certain that you will not be returning to the marriage or relationship without any doubts or chance for regret, then why not. It does sound as though you may be jumping from the pan into the fire some, and at the same time only you know how you feel deep down. Why not just hang out with friends or as friends?
     
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    queston responded:
    Are there children involved? You wouldn't want to give his lawyer ammunition to use in a custody battle.

    Do you have a separation agreement which addresses whether or not fidelity is expected in the period between your separation and the final divorce?

    Depending on the answers to those questions, I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with some casual dating. It's obviously not the ideal time to enter a serious relationship.
     
    avatar
    displaced83 replied to queston's response:
    We have no children. And as far as fidelity, he doesn't seem to care a bit about me or what happens to me. We don't even talk on a regular basis anymore. It's like I don't even exist anymore to him.
     
    avatar
    queston replied to displaced83's response:
    I understand. The question was more about the legal side of divorce than the emotional side. I know that attorneys often advise their clients not to date when divorce (and especially custody) proceedings are pending, lest they give ammunition that the other side could use against them. ( For example, infidelity is still grounds for "fault" in a divorce in some states, I believe, unless the spouses have a separation agreement that explicitly states that fidelity is no longer expected.)

    You might want to run this question by your attorney, just to be sure.
     
    avatar
    displaced83 replied to queston's response:
    My main problem is that he won't talk to me. I honestly don't know where he is even living right now to try to send him anything. I am currently talking to a lawyer and he says we should be able to do a disolution of marriage. When we separated, our lease in our apartment was up. He's being very immature about the whole thing and won't even speak to me to let me know he is still alive!


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