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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
I have been married for 8 months and my husband wants divorce.
An_250485 posted:
I just randomly found this board as I was googling around for some online support help for my marriage. My husband and I got into a huge fight because he sees me as a spoiled brat. I have never ever been handed anything in my life and have worked since i was 15. He thinks i am so negative that he wants to leave me. I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety in my life i work full time, taking 2 classes and keep up with the house hold with a dinner on the table every night. I feel like my emotions are all over the place, when I am stressed from work or school or my mother in law is driving me crazy i get into a funk, i dont like to be bothered and just left a lone, my husband takes that as being negative and he starts to resent me. My mother in law is always in my husbands ear reminding him of all my flaws and how I am not good enough for him and that he needs to focus on school and not me or anything else. So now he constantly tells me he can do better and I am not good enough for him. I know I am not perfect and never claimed to be but now I am insecure as ever and feel so lost in life. I took 3 hours of his constant bashing last night. I was already insecure before this marriage and now its much worse. he is threatning to leave me and I do now know what to do. I come from a household who doesnt beleive in divorce and that the man is always right so I know i will get ALL the blame. I truly try to be a good person my co workers see it my family friends and godson love me but not my husbnad. He does things to hurt me but when I try to point it out he says I am plaing victim. While at his moms house yesterday he picked up his hand and acted like he was going to smack me and his mom thought it was hialrious know he knows my father was very mentally emotionally and physicall abusive to my whole family and he acts like that towards me. I am emotionally over whelmed and terrified about being divirced afeter only 8 months I know the whole family will be emabrarased and I will make them look bad but what do I do? I know I am not the only one in the world working full time and taking classes but it is a lot on me, I have never lived with someone shared anything with someone and had such a huge commitment and he is not seeing my poin tof you all he says is I am a horrible and awful human being!
stevesmw responded:
Marriage counseling or else. You can't fix this by yourself. he needs to be told by someone else how unacceptable his family's behavior and his behavior is.

Once someone gets married, their number one priority is their spouse, even after they have kids.
Mase27 replied to stevesmw's response:
Thank you!!!! I am from a middle eastern backroung where some men think their mothers come before their wives, and his mom makes it known she is priority over me to the point where she brain washes him, goes over when I am at work and leaves right before I get there and she says I am not welcoming enough that is why she goes when I am not home.
queston replied to Mase27's response:
stevesmw has it exactly right. Marriage counseling or divorce are your two options. If he won't do counseling then divorce is really the only possible option. You can't live this way--no one should have to, anyway.

I realize the stigma about divorce is very real in your culture and family, but at a certain point you need to take care of yourself. You are the one who is responsible for that. It may well be for the best to get out now, while you are young and there are no children involved. (And, for heaven's sake, make sure there continue to be no children involved.)
stevesmw responded:
A personal story:

My mother was the baby of a large family and use to being spoiled. She was used to being the center of attention. I knew this and wasn't damaged by it. I just accepted her for who she was. One day she showed up at our house to complain that she wasn't getting enough attention from us. My wife told her to go home and she didn't see her grandson for a few years. She learned her lesson. I completely agreed with my wife's action.
Mase27 replied to stevesmw's response:
My mother in law also wants all this attention like she is a little 2 year old. I dont have time for her childish behavior. She is so manuplative with my husband she knows to word things correctly to make it out that I am the bad guy when I am no she wants me to kiss her butt 24/7 and I will not do that for anyone. She only comes over when I am at work bc according to her I am not welcoming enough. I just feel at my witts end already this has been going on since day one I should of seen the signs but didn't she even tried to ruin the wedding plans quite a few times. I just dont know what to do is love enough to work through this I am just so terrified to keep going there is no light at the end of the tunnel at this point.
BalconyBelle replied to Mase27's response:
'Love' is just a word unless it's backed by actions. So, no--"Love" on it's own is not enough. Without you AND your husband attending marriage counseling and working to repair it (an action that is desperately needed at this point), I really don't see hope for your union...just a downward spiral.
billnjenn responded:
Open yellow page to d for divorce attorney.

I would say try counseling but your situation is beyond help and no reason to suffer life is too short and there is a better fit for you out there.

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