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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Coping with DH Gone
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tlkittycat1968 posted:
DH got a job where he'll be working out-of-town at night which means I'll be essentially a single parent Sunday night thru Thursday night. For those of you that do this regularly and have kids, how did your kids react to the other parent being gone? I do much of the care in the evenings anyway so that won't change.

How did you deal with your spouse being gone? For me, it'll be nice not having to worry about what he wants for dinner or what he wants to watch on tv but I know I'll miss seeing him and talking to him when I get home from work. I know he'll call me during the day when he can but it's not the same.

He worked out-of-town one night last week and I discovered I can't sleep when it's too quiet (he has a CPAP machine that he wears at night) so I stole DS' sound machine (DS was at grandma's for the night).
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queston responded:
A number of years ago, I took a one-year teaching job at a university that was about a 4.5 hour drive from where we lived, so I took an apartment there and came home on weekends. Our kids were in elementary school at the time.

In some ways, it was great. Our weekend time tended to be more savoring our time together as a couple and as a family, and less of the usual just "getting through life."

There are some traps, though: my wife was very adamant that I should not be the disciplinarian when I was home on the weekends, which does kind of make sense: we wanted the kids to enjoy having me home and view it as a positive thing. But, one of our kids in particular had a real hard time in the years after that, adjusting to me returning to my normal role as co-disciplinarian. I would say, in retrospect, that my absence that year had a real long-term negative effect on my relationship with her.

So this is something that you'll want to discuss and work out how you plan to handle it. I have a brother in law who is a truck driver--when he is home he's always the good cop, mr. fun and games. I think his wife resents having to always be the bad cop.
 
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Anon_475 responded:
Just a word from someon who was one of children in that situation:

  • I lived for Fridays when we went to collect him at the station in the city (going to the city was a BIG event for me at age 8-9.

  • It meant that I could have breakfast in bed with my mother from time to time.

  • We occasionally went for walks in the evening when he wasn't there and I loved that ... cold though it was!

I'm sure you'll get used to it


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