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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
DH is a stay-at home father to DS (13 months old). My MIL comes over every weekday to help him and to spend time with DS, and FIL comes along 1-2 times per week (both are retired). This is very helpful to DH, because DS is very active and still not sleeping through the night. With his parents coming over, DH is able to take a nap, and he also uses their car to run errands. MIL often brings food, and does the dishes etc. DS also benefits greatly from having loving grandparents to play with and learn from.
My only concern in this seemingly ideal situation is, how do I get them them leave once I am home? I get home at 4:30 but they always stick around till 5:30 or 6.
My MIL, especially, seems very reluctant to leave. Sometimes, FIL will say "let's go" ... but she says no, we'll stay and feed DS his dinner. If DH or I protest that we can feed him his dinner, she says "it's ok, I can do it". If I take DS out for a walk or to the playground, she comes along. I think it's a combination of wanting to help us, and also enjoying DS's company and perhaps not having enough hobbies to fill her time at home.
I don't want to seem ungrateful; however I want more 1:1 time with my child. I'd like to feed him his dinner or take him for a walk on my own. Also, I'm a private person and would just like to come home to DH and DS. The other thing is, I often feel that DS is not as attached to me as to his father and grandparents, and maybe more 1:1 time would help that.
I want to tread very carefully here so as not to hurt their feelings. Also, obviously, the whole situation is very beneficial to DH so I don't want to ruin that for us!
Note that we don't pay them for any of this (though we sometimes help out financially when there is a need), so I feel really bad complaining about this. Should I just suck it up?
I think that your husband should sit down with his parents and set some boundaries, based on the very reasonable points that you've laid out here.
If your in-laws were there once a week, for example, that would be different. But since it's a daily thing, I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to leave so that you can have family time and 1-on-1 time with your son.
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