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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    Particularly interested in women's perspective on this
    avatar
    queston posted:
    A meital communication question...

    My wife (we are in our late 40s) will fairly frequently say something like "Man, I really need to lose ten pounds." For example, she said it to me at the gym last night while we were walking a cool-down lap after elliptical sessions. [br>[br>But then, an hour later, she's asking me to pick up some ice cream on my way home from my rehearsal. [br>[br>So, what's a husband supposed to say? Losing the ten pounds would be a lot more likely, for example, if she laid off the ice cream, but I'm sure as heck not going to say that. [br>[br>Some background: [br>[br>-Yes, she'd look better and probably feel better about herself if she lost 10, but it's honestly not that a big deal to me. She looks good to me, and is certainly not fat by middle-aged woman standards, has"correct" proportions, etc [br>[br>I usually just say nothing when she says that. I want to be supportive of her goal if it's important to her, but it just seems like anything I say will be the wrong thing. [br>[br>Some possible responses, all of which seem bad to me: [br>[br>"You sure do, lardass" [br>(I prefer not to practice celibacy.) [br>[br>"No you don't--you look perfect just as you are." [br>(I do think she looks good, but this one is obviously disingenuous) [br>[br>"You look great for your age." [br>(True, but not what any woman longs to hear.) [br>[br>"Well, if that's important to you, then let's cut down the carbs and the ice cream, and maybe you need to ramp up your exercise regimen a little." [br>(Patronizing) [br>


    Thoughts? Is it best to just remain silent in this scenario?
    Reply
     
    avatar
    fcl replied to queston's response:
    Next time she says she really needs to lose 10 pounds ask her:

    1. How serious she is about it

    and

    2. What you can do to help

    The important thing is to open up the conversation and get the ball rolling. THEN you can discuss the icecream issue
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.


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