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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
PArticularly interested in women's perspective on this
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queston posted:
Trying again...

My wife (we are in our late 40s) will fairly frequently say something like "Man, I really need to lose ten pounds." For example, she said it to me at the gym last night while we were walking a cool-down lap after elliptical sessions.


But then, an hour later, she's asking me to pick up some ice cream on my way home from my rehearsal.


So, what's a husband supposed to say? Losing the ten pounds would be a lot more likely, for example, if she laid off the ice cream, but I'm sure as heck not going to say that.


Some background: Yes, she'd look better and probably feel better about herself if she lost 10, but it's honestly not that a big deal to me. She looks good to me, and is certainly not fat by middle-aged woman standards, has "correct" proportions, etc


I usually just say nothing when she says that. I want to be supportive of her goal if it's important to her, but it just seems like anything I say will be the wrong thing.


Some possible responses, all of which seem bad to me:


"You sure do, lardass"
(I prefer not to practice celibacy.)


"No you don't--you look perfect just as you are."
(I do think she looks good, but this one is obviously disingenuous)


"You look great for your age."
(True, but not what any woman longs to hear.)


"Well, if that's important to you, then let's cut down the carbs and the ice cream, and maybe you need to ramp up your exercise regimen a little."
(Patronizing)
[br>[br>Thoughts? Is it best to just remain silent in this scenario?
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GuardSquealer responded:
It is better to just remain silent on this issue. I can assure you of that. You can't win either way. And she is probably happy eating the ice cream which makes things better anyways.
 
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tlkittycat1968 replied to GuardSquealer's response:
And even saying anything about the ice cream won't work either. Hubby keeps saying he needs to lose weight but will still have a piece of pizza two hours after he's already had three. I do comment but he goes ahead and eats it.

She knows what she needs to do and until she's willing to do it, nothing you say or do will make her do it.
 
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gd9900 responded:
Here's a thought...suggest an alternative such as gelato, or a fruit sorbet. Better yet, take time together and make your own! Add icy granita to the list and you'll find some pretty tasty frozen sweet treat options with way less fat and calories. Finding recipes on the WWW is easy. L.L.Bean has an ice cream ball that could be used to make gelato and has the added benefit of a half our workout. Check out the link; http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/46727?feat=osbsr&page=ice-cream-ball-quart
 
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Rock_Knutne replied to gd9900's response:
Tell her that's a great idea and when you get home you're gonna treat her just like that ice cream cone because she looks so sexy after that workout.

Then follow through.

Presto... She burns off the calories from the ice cream cone. You get the 'closeness' all of us men desire. Plus you fill the need she was fishing for by complimenting her!

It's a Win - Win - Win.


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