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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
My Fiance doesn't find me sexually attractive
lostman posted:
I'm in my mid 30s and my girl and I have been together for over 11 years. We have had our ups and downs like most couples, but have recently come to a roadblock in our relationship. We are really good friends and like to do most things together. We get along well and have similar goals in life. Several months ago, she felt as if I was being to needy in the relationship and wanted us to do more things on our own. I realize that this is for the best for both her, myself and our relationship. Things seemed to be getting better however, we had a conversation recently that led her to disclose to me that she doesn't love me romantically. She loves being with me and thinks that I'm a really good person, but she doesn't feel any real passion towards me. After 11 years of being together and thinking she was "the one" for me, I am left with the feeling that there is no "fixing" this. I do romantic things on a regular basis, but it seems she just isn't feeling it. She recently stopped wearing her engagement ring (understandably when she is unsure about marrying me) and I think that although we are trying to work on this issue, she is getting ready to move on. Any thoughts on the situation are welcome.
queston responded:
Here's my thought. Do not, under any circumstances, marry someone who is not romantically attracted to you. Just don't.

It's hard enough to make a marriage last for the long haul. Don't start with one hand tied behind your back.
fcl responded:
It sounds to me as if you've outgrown each other. People change over the years - some go in the same direction, others, like you, do not. Please don't go to extremes to "fix" this because it will only be temporary. You're growing apart. This isn't necessarily a bad thing.

She doesn't love you, she isn't attracted to you. As hard as it must have been to hear, she's been open and honest with you. It's time to move on with your life. It sounds like she'd be open to remaining friends. Would that be acceptable to you?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

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