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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    Ex husband using me!
    An_252261 posted:
    Loooong story short (this is awesome Lexie, for those who remember).

    I divorced my ex last year. While I was deployed 2 years ago, he cleaned out the bank account and cheated very blatantly. I filed for divorce the first full day I was home.

    Well, it wasn't till the week of the court date that I discovered my separation agreement had been lost somewhere between southwest Asia and my house. I was so sick of being married, and we were on amicable speaking terms, and he really valued the respectful way his parents handled their divorce, that I just went ahead and got the divorce without anything saying how we would distribute the property. Yes, I know.

    I am reaping the wonderful rewards of this hasty decision monthly, to the tune of a mortgage payment that he put solely in my name while I was deployed. The title deer is in both our names.

    I have moved for work so physically displacing this 'squatter' is not an option.. He lives in our house rent free because I happen to enjoy my credit score not being ruined and by default, my security clearance and career not being affected.

    I havent seen any money from him although verbally he agrees it is all his responsibility. With careful planning, he is able to stretch his meager salary to cover the basic necessities of his life, such as his iPhone, satellite TV service, and online dating service membership.

    I have a lawyer. My state offers a petition to partition option where the house would be a court ordered private sale, the money would go to pay off the bank. I am pursuing that. However, housing prices have fallen; at best the house is worth $10K less than I owe. He also has sold the trees on the land (no kidding) but not cleaned it up, so that will probably affect potential offers. My lawyer said this is evidence of co-tenant misuse of the land.

    Best course of action my lawyer and I can think of is going to court and requesting they evict him, putting the house on the market and renting it out (rental market is very strong in that area) until the mortgage is paid down some, and the housing market starts to rise some, and selling when I can.

    I dont want anything. I just want out of this link to him

    Does anyone else have any other advice? Even ones like asking the internet to donate to the free lexie fund. Every time I have to deal with this, I have nightmares of being chased and tricked and trapped. They are getting very old. Actually I am feeling exhausted and desperate. I am asking sincerely for any ideas or recommendations. Thank you so much in advance.

    Thank you!
    darlyn05 responded:
    You received some good ideas and support on the other community, I'm not sure what more I can add. Is it just the house situation that you are wanting to resolve? It would be helpfull if we knew how it is worded in the divorce decree about the house, if there are any loopholes we can see so to speak. Was he legally awarded the house without payments, or were you legally awarded the house?
    gator1980 replied to darlyn05's response:
    Thank you, Darlyn. There is nothing in the decree about the house...and I don't know what else I can do legally. I am also looking for ways to deal with this on an emotional level...I have terrible nightmares and feel a raw sense of pain all the time.

    I'm trying to look for the good, the things I will have learned from this. I don't have animosity toward him so I don't think it is about forgiveness, but more...just...feeling so trapped. I don't know what to do with that feeling. I would appreciate any advice...thank you.
    darlyn05 replied to gator1980's response:
    I posted this on the other exchange and it got lost. Thank goodness I copied to a word doc.

    Do you have tangible proof, like a recording or a witness, to verify his verbal agreement you mentioned in your reply to FCL? Do you have any written or electronic, e-mail, correspondence concerning his or a verbal agreement? Otherwise it's your word against his.

    What state is this in? You can look up the states statues for further information on the legalities and or rights of the owner(s). If he is free to take pocession of the house or not and if you have any legal say in the matter. It doesn't seem right that a judge would allow this to happen let alone it not being brought up during the divorce, stating who gets the house and who pays for it.

    Grasping at straws here; What about you selling 'your half', so to speak, of the house? Forcing him into an agreement with the new owner OR sell it out right to him? Is there a way, legally, to force him into signing an/the agreement, like have him served?

    I'm affraid I don't see any other recourse than legally. Is your lawyer skilled in both real estate and divorce? If you research the states statues and find one that may work in your favor, bring it to your lawyers attn, he may have over looked it.

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