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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
GF read my journal
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Citizen_cynic posted:
A few months back my gf read my journals without my permission. She found out somethings about that I had not told her. She discovered a deep secret, for a lack of better words. In the journal was an account of a tumultuous period of my life during my incarceration. I was around 20 years old when the things in journal transpired and I am not proud of them but they happened. I did several years in prison from 17-22. It was a crazy experience to say the least. I engaged in some sexual acts nothing to extreme but this is what she found out. That was a period in my life that I was trying to forget and I felt it had no bearing on our relationship which is why I didn't tell her.

After reading them she said she couldn't trust me because when she asked if I ever did anything in prison I lied and said no. She asked this having already read my journals. So it was an uncomfortable position for me to be in. At the time we were together for 2 1/2 years and I truly love this woman. I, without a doubt, see my self with her until im dead. I am trying to make the relationship better by reestablishing the trust that was lost but unsure on how to go about doing so.

Wait there is more...around this same time she discovered old messages on Facebook where. I was talking to a woman about meeting up and hanging out. This was before we started dating where we considered each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Also we had slept together as well, my gf and I. I was staying at her house quite often but I was still very unsure of her because of her past behaviors. We were friends for a year before we messed around and I seen things in her that made me question her from time to time so this is what made me reluctant to commit to her right from the start.

But back to the Facebook messages. This was before we were in a committed relationship, I sent them from her house while she wasn't there and I was talking to other girls as well but I did not physically meet any of them it was strictly through FB. I forgot about all of this until my girlfriend found these old messages and brought them to my attention. I absolutely understood why she was upset and I took full responsibility for my actions and apologized. I was a different person at the time. I have never been in a relationship just got out of prison, and really had little experience with women due to the time frame in which I was incarcerated. So I had this mentality where I didn't take it that seriously, it was almost like a game getting the attention of these various women. I understand now how selfish and shady those actions were. This coupled with the journals made for an uneasy status for our relationship, one where her trust has been broken. I too feel the trust has been broken because she read my entries and even told my mom. It makes me physically sick that she knows this about me.

We care or each other an love each other very very much. I know this isn't going to be the end of the relationship but what i am seeking is a means to make the situation more comforting for both of us. I still think she thinks. I am hiding things from her and also she thinks I am not telling the whole truth about what happened in prison but because she does t trust me anything I say is looked at suspiciously. I have never cheated on her and to give you an example of the type of man I am when I am in public to do not even look at other woman like most men do. I genuinely care for my woman and respect her as I should regardless of what mistakes I made within the first 3 months of sleeping with her.

Im not sure how this makes me look but I tried to give the best context I could and detail as well. If there is any more info you think I could add to clarify the situation more please let me know. I just want to know others opinions on this situation and perhaps some advice.

Thank you in advance!
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fcl responded:
Given how complex and how difficult a situation you have on your hands, I'd recommend finding a good couples counsellor to help you sort out all of this confusion.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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stevesmw responded:
I've never been in your shoes. You have a right to keep things in your life private as long as you truly believe they won't have an impact on future relationships.

Your GF isn't entitled to poke around in your journals.

Would you have done the same?
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
I'm sorry you have a non understanding gf. First you should explain to her that she has broken a trust for you. The journals were private and before you were together. They were a way to deal with a difficult part of your earlier life and until you give her permission, she has no right to look into them.
She's right and you did lie to her about the prison sex. Again it was a difficult and confusing time in your life. Your trying to put it behind you. Would she like it if you asked her how many lover she had and about their PRIVIATE moments.
I was married for 19 years and now have a wonderful gf. I would never talked about my prior sexual history or her's.
One of the few things you don't give each other is a STD. but history is that HISTORY. An example is I don't want tell my current gf what I did with/to my other consenting partners. They liked other things she wouldn't stand for.
I can't help you with the FB. I don't and won't use it. To much info out there now as it is. Trust you'll have to re-earn it, but so will she. Good Luck


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