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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
What's your opinion, rough patch or cheating?
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Anon_596 posted:
A couple who've been married 9 yrs, somewhat turbulent, blended family, empty nest for last 3 yrs, husbands children (son now 26, daughter now 23) lived with couple for first 2 yrs (daughter moved in with her mother) and off and on 6 yrs (son bouncing from roommates-couldn't keep a place). Wife's daughter, now 29, lived, and still does, in a city 4 hrs away, never with couple (husband resented, jealous of wife's daughter because she wasn't his). Wife was out of town, away from the home for routine Drs. appts for 2 days, upon her return she found out that her husband had secretively planned ahead of time to take the 1st of those 2 days off of work. When wife asked and then confronted the husband, he had little remorse, just displayed he was busted for doing so and then turned somewhat angry with her and created more distance. Wife is a caring, loving, devoted and commited woman, has gone out of her way to have a happy, mutually respectful marriage and to salvage what they have, she has gone to counseling, attended programs and has done alot of the self help reading and so on for the marriage. It was suspected that husband was having affairs in the past, even recent summer, along with husband flaunting to her 2-4 times throughout last 4 yrs that other women adore him. Why would she not think that he is cheating or having affairs, especially with recent developement, merely because she has no solid proof?
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queston responded:
Sounds like cheating could definitely be a possibility, but one thing you need to keep in mind is that everyone has (and needs) some secrets. For most people, those secrets are fairly harmless--coming home early from work for a nap every now and then, spending $50 on that thing you didn't tell your spouse about, buying a bag of your favorite candy and hiding it, etc.

I know, when my wife is away for the day or the weekend, I enjoy that independence of just doing what I want, not being responsible to someone else. (Our kids are teens, so they are either off at college or don't care about my comings and goings.) I wouldn't secretly take a day off to enjoy that freedom, but it's not inconceivable to me that a person might do that.

Or, maybe he's cheating--if it's really important to you (oops--to "the wife"), than "the wife" will have to ask him and press for an answer.
 
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darlyn05 responded:
I agree with the previous poster that secretively taking a day off from work while your spouse is away, especially for Dr's appts., is rather peculiar. Why would a spouse do that and keep it a secret!?! does he have a gambling problem or something? You mentioned 'somewhat turbulent', are you describing the marital relationship dynamics or the blended family dynamics? From what you've written, I would consider he was/is possibly cheating or at the very least a gigantic flirt, perhaps to stroke his ego. And if there isn't solid proof as you say, it's anyones guess. Have you mentioned couples counseling to them, as it seems as though there maybe deeper issues involved here.
 
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tlkittycat1968 replied to darlyn05's response:
I don't think taking a day off and not telling your spouse about it in itself is a red flag but his reaction would be.
Happily married to DH since 2003. Two kids: Paul (5) and Kylee (3).
 
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curiosityx4 responded:
I think his behavior is't necessarily cheating, there could just be something he wanted to do on his own. His comment about other women desiring him could be him asking for more attention from you. Out of curiosity how often do you make love and is it on a regular basis. Some men as they get older need to feel loved more, especially if there's an empty nest - they start to feel abandoned and alone - at least that's how I felt.


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