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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Suspicion of Drug use. How to deal?
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An_255106 posted:
My Husband and I have been married for almost 6 years. When we were younger before we got married I knew that he had tried Meth. He told me that he didn't like it and would never do it again. He still smoked pot with his friends from time to time but as far as I knew that was the extent of his recreational drug use. I made it very clear before we got married that I was not ok with Drug use and he even agreed to quit smoking. 6 years later he is still "quitting". We have always disagreed on this subject, I feel like I am having the same fight with him over and over. About 8 months ago he was arrested for possession of marijuana. He was let off the hook if he gave up his dealer. However for some reason he said that the cops wanted him to give up someone that was dealing Meth, ( this alone made me suspicious). I found a small amount of Meth in a cigarette pack in his locker in the basement. When I confronted him about it he said he was just trying to keep his contact to turn him into the cops and that he wasn't using it. Somehow he made this story make sense but looking back on it I am not sure how I bought it. I threatened to kick him out of the house if I found out he was using Meth. Which may have been a mistake because I know drug users need support but I just wanted him away from my kids if he was going to be using such a dangerous drug. I am not even ok with his pot use let alone something this extreme. Last night I saw a text on his phone from a guy at his work asking him if he wanted a gram for $65. He tried to play it off like he didn't know what he was talking about at first but then said that he was just trying to sell it and that he would never buy it. My whole thought is why would his friend send him a text like that if he hadn't bought from him before. He still is denying it. I feel like we cannot move forward until he admits he has been using, no matter how infrequently. It is not so bad that he is draining our savings or not functioning normally. I think he probably does it when he goes out because I have noticed that he will want to sleep ALL day for like 2 days after he goes out with his friends. I am not sure how to handle this. I know I cannot make him quit he is going to have to want to. On the other hand I can sit here and do nothing and let his habit get worse when we have two kids together.
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sluggo45692 responded:
I'm sorry, but you said you have a zero tolerance and he's still quitting. Here's your options as I see them. Keep him and loss everything including your kids, or kick him to the curb. No gray area. You've let pot slide and he has meth on him.

Separate all bank and money matters, get to children services for support, and get a lawyer. Offer him divorce with him lossing everything or rehab and drug testing. When he gets picked up again for drug abuse, it will cost you more than you think. He's already listed in the police data bases as a drug user and the next step could be dealing.

Your number one priority is you children. You have to protect them. Find a local Nar-Anon and get help. Drug abuse is destroying this nation and it's becoming more accepted every day. Each of us has to make the decision of how to handle someone who is a drug abuser. Some times the only way to help is hitting them hard in life. My father is a drunk, so my tolerance for substance abusers is very small. For his good times, it took food out of mine, my 4 siblings, and my mother's mouths. My mother would have to steal food at the store or beg for my grandparent's money, because he drank up his paycheck. It was begging, because she cried everytime she had to ask for money.

You have to live with your decisions, but you shouldn't have to live with his bad one.

Good Luck
 
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fcl replied to sluggo45692's response:
I'd like to add something to this. If the police ever come to your home (if someone tips them off, for instance) and find drugs of any kind, your husband won't be the only one to suffer the consequences. Not only can you have CPS take your children but you can be prosecuted and spend time in jail.

DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN!

Take action today to protect yourself, your and your children's future. As already said, they are your top priority.

Good luck and keep us posted.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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katellawellnesscenter responded:
So sorry, I think you should not go forward with him, Drugs very harmful not only for the person who is addicted but for the entire family with that particular person. So take decision and go forward.


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