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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
My wife's sex drive is zero ever since we had twins 3 years ago
An_255467 posted:
I'm an attentive person and am more of a giver than a taker so sex to me has always been really important. Ever since my wife had twin boys, (I do help at home and I am the cook , we havent had hardly any sex. Maybe once every week or two or three... We used to have sex 4 or 5 times a week. I know, yes we are both tired but its important to make time. She just isnt interested. She loves me endlessly, so that isnt it. We laugh and hang out and play with the kids and watch TV together at night too.

I know its not me....but it makes me feel like she doesnt want me anymore. I'm alone. I feel alone and I dont like it. Any thoughts?
countymounty responded:
I know what you mean I'm in the same boat, we've been married 35 yrs and it's been like that from day one. I know how sad it feels inside. I've spoken with my wife but she does not reply . I wish I had the answer . maybe i will find help her.
billnjenn responded:
Ask your wife if she still enjoys sex? Does she climax?

If the answers are yes, than it is a matter of getting her aroused. If once aroused she enjoys and has a climax than a discussion so that both of you understand the issue is getting started.

If she no longer enjoys the act, it is painful, or she isn't achieving orgasm you have other issues to pursue.
countymounty replied to billnjenn's response:
well when we have sex she say's she enjoys it and yes she get's a climax. Then it will be months before she is interested again.
sluggo45692 replied to countymounty's response:
Romance and initiate for your sexual encounters. She still enjoys it, but is wiped out after days of child care. I know you help, but there are times a woman needs to be appreciated and romanced. A little pampering goes a long way. Rub her feet and work up. Rub her back and work down.
A flower, a hug, a dinner out. Date her again, you'll enjoy it also.

Good Luck
fcl responded:
Is she a stay-at-home mother or does she go out to work too? If she goes out to work, is her job full-time or part-time?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
billnjenn replied to countymounty's response:
Interested or willing? Sometimes people can think they are too tired or other excuse, but once they get aroused they are happy that they are participating. Your having to always initiate is not the best situation and can be depressing but keep doing it. Don't let it stretch to weeks without intimacy. One thing you can try is the person that initiates gets to pick location, or position or type. If she knows you are going to intimate at least twice a week she may decide to have it her way, she just might do the asking.

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