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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Am I in the wrong?
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Anon_169321 posted:
Hello. I recently got back together with my ex. We hadn't been together in about 2.5 years. He had been emailing me the last several months telling me he loves me, misses me and wants to be with me. I finally caved and we talked and decided to try to work things out.


During our time apart, he lived with a woman. It didn't work out and they broke up. Awhile later, he started dating another woman. He told me was still dating her when I came back into his life, but if we were going to give it another try, he would break things off with her. He said he did.


Am I wrong to be bothered that while he was still dating this girl, he was emailing me telling me he loves me, misses me, etc.?


Recently I asked him to go to a baseball game with me. He basically told me that he can't go to any games with me because these two other woman go to the games. My response was "And...what's the problem?" He said he just doesn't want to go and that was the end of it. He wouldn't give me any other reason besides that. He said he just didn't want to go and that was it.


I'm really upset about this. I feel like we can't move forward and try to be together if we can't even go to a game together because of these woman. If these women are truly in his past, why does it matter if him and I go to a game. He said I'm making a big deal out of nothing and I'm not focusing on "us" and the bigger picture. He said it's just a stupid game.


Any advise would be great. Thank you.
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stevesmw responded:
He wants a woman in his life and you are plan a.
He still wants to keep plan b and plan c as options.
 
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fcl responded:
He's the one who isn't focussing on you and the bigger picture. My impression (and I hope I'm wrong) is that he has broken off from neither of them otherwise why would he not want them to see him with you?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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sluggo45692 responded:
Ex's are ex's for a reason. My mother and father tried to get back together after 9 years of marriage and 15 years apart. It lasted 3 years. Quite frankly, I wouldn't touch my ex with a body suit on.
He says he's "broken" up with the other women, but doesn't want to be seen in public with you. RED FLAG.
He's blowing off your concerns. RED FLAG
He's not giving you full answers, like he hiding something. RED FLAG.

Base ball. 3 strikes your out.

Good Luck
 
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fatien responded:
for me how about u give him a bit of time to adjust and adapt his life back to u. the same goes with u.

to work out this relationship back, u have to give some time fo both of you guys. try to have a good talk.about how you n him going to make this relation as possible.

make him understand if he want relationship with u. then he must have only u. try to ask him why he want u back. try to think the logical of him getting back to u.ask him heart to heart.what he want from u n this relationship. then u also need to tell him what u expect from this relationship.

like i said. give some time to coop. maybe he have his own reason for not going to the game. just dont think too much. just ask him nicely.plus. u still can do other things together right.

anyway good luck


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