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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    My boyfriend likes to look at muscular women
    An_258002 posted:
    My boyfriend and I (27F & 28M) have been together for two years. In the past six months or so, as we have been spending more time together, I have discovered that he has a thing for extremly muscular women. Which I know everyone has an ideal body type that they are attracted to. The issue I am having is that I don't feel like he finds me attractive. I am 5' 7'' 120lbs and slim. I like myself as I am but it bothers me that I don't feel like he does. There has been times that I have used his phone and there are pics of very muscular women from whatever website he was looking at and everytime it recks my self-estem. For instance this weekend we were around family and couldnt be intimate so we were both excited to get back to town and enjoy each other, afterwards I saw on his phone that prior to our intimacy he had looked at some what naked pics of this type. Which is probably what drove me to post this bc all I was thinking was if he was thinking about those pics or if he was really there with me. He is not in my face about it and often tells me that he thinks im sexy but I just feel crappy. Sorry if this is scatterbrained I just have a lot of thoughts right now... Any advice?
    Anon_134193 responded:
    He looks at those women but he picked you to be with. I'd call it a harmless fantasy. I like looking at pictures of muscular women too but I don't have any thoughts of infidelity as regards my spouse. She is far from muscular. Looking at those pictures from time to time actually keeps me from straying because I am with her for her personality. I can get the eye candy anywhere, but she herself is irreplaceable. It's no different than him looking at porn now and again, which is harmless too if not taken to extremes.
    sakihiggy responded:
    Before my husband and I married in 2011 I laid my only deal breaker on the table, I absolutely do not accept pornography and he said it's not a big deal to him and he wouldn't have a problem not looking at it. I found on his phone last September that he'd been looking at pictures of attractive nude women for the entire course of our marriage. I'm 5'3" and 155 lbs, have low self esteem, and view fantasizing about another women (real or not) as infidelity. I was devastated to discover that he's been lying to me for the entire course of our relationship. After multiple talks, arguments, and hours spent in counseling to determine if the marriage could be saved we've found a compromise. It comes down to: "It hurts me deeply and is important to me that this stops, will you stop or will you choose them?"

    In our marriage, we have both agreed to act based on: Would I do this if my significant other was present? Do they know I'm doing this? Are they living with it or accepting of it? [Those are two different things. You can live with it and be completely miserable or you can accept it and be unfazed.> If they are living with it there's an issue. The offending party can stop the activity that hurts their partner (and relationship) or they can continue the activity and the relationship can inevitably end.
    Anon_134193 replied to sakihiggy's response:
    Well, I understand why you are upset. Although pictures of naked women do not meet the legal definition of pornography, they still make you uncomfortable and you have told him so. He should respect your feelings. To me, fantasy is a harmless part of one's natural sexuality and it just adds spice to life, but you have made different rules for your marriage. If he wants to be part of that marriage, and if he has agreed to those rules, then he needs to abide by them or at least discuss it with you. I wish you the best.
    stevesmw responded:
    I view the female party as art. I like curvy bodies and fit bodies, real bodies. Men seem to like large fake breasts and that is probably the more is better mentality.

    Regarding his like of very muscular women, I believe it is approaching a fetish. I don't think it is a matter of what he considers beauty, but fantasies of making love to a physically dominant female. Despite your physique, he might get really turned on if you started getting verbally, sexually and physically aggressive with him. I'm not talking about any physical harm.
    honkey123 replied to stevesmw's response:
    I see you have made the rules in your marriage. Did he agree with your rules? He may have agreed to your rules just to land you, that should please you.I find it cruel of you to make such a pack in the first place. Men are attractted to women regardless of your rules. I see nothing wrong with looking at nude women after all he certainly did it before you were married and now you want to call the shots. My wife looks at pornography with me and we get along just fine. Guess it turns me on to look then have sex with my wife. I don't fantisize I use her to turn me on and she does even though she is a few pounds over. Get real woman and accept men as they were made.
    An_258778 replied to sakihiggy's response:
    men look get used to it. It is women like you that hold women back. Bet you get off watching it so why can't he??

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