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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Marital sex advice
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messeduphere posted:
I am almost 50, married to the same woman or 25 years. We have had our problems, but overall marriage has been OK. She has, and is, suffering from Depression. (yes, she is being treated for it, although not happily)

She is the only woman I have ever slept with.

I find myself wanting to experience sex with other women. I don't want to leave her or ruin my marriage, but the thought is sometimes overwhelming. What can I do? Why am I having these thoughts. How, and from whom, do I get help?
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stevesmw responded:
Her depression is a contributing cause to your situation.
Many men have these thoughts. It is what you do with them.
Most men regard these as fantasies and can use them for masturbation. What you are going to do depends on what kind of person you are. If you are honest and loyal and feel guilty when you do something wrong, you won't cheat. I don't consider fantasies or masturbation cheating. It's a way to make you feel better about your life.
 
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gd9900 responded:
Have you considered counseling? Because it will come down to a choice for you at some point, unless you address it immediately. Seeking help to control your desires and keep your values in tact is certainly valid in my book. I was on the other side of this coin with my now ex, 5 years ago. I watched him morph into someone I did not know. He had an emotional affair (and possibly physical) with a young, single, friend of ours right in front of me and tried passing it off as platonic.That led to much unhappiness on my end, his leaving and threatening divorce. He let his desires take precedence and the once loyal, trustworthy, person I felt secure with, crossed a line he wasn't able to return from. He was no longer committed to me or us, my pain and suffering didn't matter. He became selfish, but made adamant claims of his selflessness. He made sure he talked with those people in our lives who didn't know me well, so he came out looking like the good guy. He projected his guilt on me to absolve himself of those feelings to justify his actions. I seriously questioned my part in it, and took blame for things I shouldn't have. His words/actions weren't consistent with me, and he began omitting things. Like having a gf and getting her pregnant, just before he initiated the divorce paperwork. All I mean to point out is we all have demons we struggle with, but ultimately it is your choice how to deal with them...or not. Best wishes, it sounds like you still love your wife and are committed to your marriage.
 
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An_258778 replied to gd9900's response:
@ gd9900 you sound very self-centered me me me my pain what about the pain you caused him??
 
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Anon_134193 replied to An_258778's response:
I think if someone's significant other had gotten some girl he had on the side pregnant, and was lying about his misbehavior, and doing all kinds of other selfish things, then a "me me me" attitude might be appropriate. I'd reccommend not judging so easily until you know more about the situation.
 
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gd9900 replied to Anon_134193's response:
anon_134193 - thank you for your understanding and compassion.

an_258778 - my ex left me having to live with his choices...and not much by way of explaining his unhappiness that drove him to making those choices. There wasn't, as he put it, a straw that broke the camels back between us. Our biggest issue was growing apart as lifes responsibilities grew out of control. So far as I can interpolate, that disconnect allowed his overwhelming desire to have sex with another woman (me being the only one to that point) consume him. Unfortunately, it became more important than our marriage and the life we built together. I thought that to be relevant to the OP.


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