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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
Staying In A Sexless Relationship!!!
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An_229486 posted:
I want to know if anybody is willing to stay in a sexless relationship and if it is a common thing today in alot of relationships?are there any others out there that can relate with me i'm a 29 yr old female with 2 kiddos?take care all

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I want to know if any of you are willing to stay in a sexless relationship?
  • yes
  • yes we have kids
  • no
  • hell no
  • confused????:(
vote
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GuardSquealer responded:
Well I enjoy sex too much to stay in a sexless relationship. I have plenty of friends that I don't have sex with. So if I would expect that part of the reason we were together would be because we wanted to have sex.
 
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
I picked "yes" because what if my husband had an illness or disability that rendered him unable to have sex? Should I just abandon him?

I think not.

I didn't pick "yes we have kids" even though we have 4 kids..because that's not what would drive my decision.
 
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darlyn05 replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
Steph, Your post reminded me of an article I read in one of the WebMd e-letters I get. It stated that men are more apt to leave a relationship if the woman becomes ill, versus the woman will stay. I feel that has something to do with our nurturing and caretaker side of us. That doesn't mean that is always the case, as it stated in the article, just more often than not. The article just popped in my head while reading your post.
 
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stephs_3_kidz replied to darlyn05's response:
My husband's cousin was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer (she's 43). When her boyfriend of 5 years found out, he split.

Pretty sickening.
 
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kristinmarie722 replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
Okay I didn't think about it if my SO was sick. Then of course I would stay.
But if my SO just stopped wanting to have sex then no I dont think I could.
But then again there are time periods when I dont want to have sex at all! And would love to never have to worry about it. LOL!
 
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wwilson89 responded:
I put no. This is assuming that we are both two healthy people, with low stress. If there was a specific reason, mental or health related, then of course I wouldn't leave, but if he stopped being attracted to me or vice versa and we weren't interested in being physical, I'd rather not cheat.
 
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BabyLovesPrada replied to wwilson89's response:
Wanda's situation I agree, Stephs I agree, I guess it really depends on whats going on....
 
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StumpyGrumpy responded:
sex makes relationships stronger. it'd be hard to really connect over the long-haul without the intimacy of a mental, physcial and emotional relationship. i think to truly be happy, you need all of the above.
 
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3point14 responded:
A sexless relationship is a friendship, to me. And I hate to say, if my partner were unable to function sexually, we'd have to work out an arrangement.

I mean, I'd never leave. But do I have to remain sexually unfulfilled for the rest of my life? I think that's way, way unafir, and for myself would lead to a burning resentment.

I'd go for an open relationship, or to have not-sex, which is what I call any kind of sexual activity that isn't sex.

I think if my partner were just unwilling to have sex with me arbitrarily, I'd get out of that as fast as possible. Sex isn't about having an orgasm to me, well not entirely , but it has a lot to do with closeness. If my partner is creating distance between us on purpose, that tells me how much they value the relationship.
 
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BabyLovesPrada replied to 3point14's response:
I hear what your saying, but I personally, I could never have an open relationship and I could never see me leaving or resenting DH if he was unable to perform due to illness, I married him for better or worse, richer or poorer and to me, intimacy is so much more than just intercourse.


but thats just me! LOL
 
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An_229487 replied to StumpyGrumpy's response:
You are so very right about that!
 
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3point14 replied to BabyLovesPrada's response:
I couldn't do an open relationship, but if my s/o could and I was too sick to have sex, I would let them.

And maybe resentment's too strong a word, but I have a really strong sex drive. I think if I'm in a committed relationship, the other person knows that about me. If we're in a mutually exclusive relationship, they are my only outlet. If they are unable to help meet my needs...I just couldn't imagine not being hugely frustrated. Severely frustrated.

And I agree with you about intimacy, that's why I brought up the not-sex. I'd try to be understanding if my s/o's libido wasn't on par with mine because of an illness. And obviously if it were a temporary condition, well, I can take care of myself. But if they couldn't be bothered to hold my hand, kiss my cheek, give me the other little gestures that create a physical bond, I'd chalk that up to laziness. In my opinion, there is no level of sick that should prevent someone from making someone they love feel loved. Even if you're laying in a hospital bed, you can hold a hand.

All that being said, I want to say again, if it was just sheer laziness or apathy, bye bye. I'd try to work it out, talk to them about it, be willing/enthused about pretty much anything to make it good for them, even a sex counselor or something. But once that was all exhausted and it was still not happening, I could not deal with that.
 
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BabyLovesPrada replied to 3point14's response:
Ok, I understand what you mean now, and I think we are very much on the same page!!!!!
 
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3point14 replied to BabyLovesPrada's response:
That's good, in case we ever get married and I get sick. hahahhaha


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