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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
sex and relationship
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SMITHRL posted:
I'm just wondering if it's weird that my b/f and I don't have a desire to be sexual w/ eachother all the time. We have only been together about 1 1/2 years and already act like we've been married for 20 lol We usually only have sex once a week. To be honest it doesn't really bother either of us. We're still verry affectionate; we kiss, cuddle, hug and grope all the time. I'm just wondering if it's weird that we aren't "all over eachother" all the time considering the short time we've been together.
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BabyLovesPrada responded:
Rachel, everyone is different and if you guys are happy with the arrangement, why worry? To me personally intamacy isnt just sex, its all the other stuff in between and that to me is just as important.
 
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3point14 responded:
As long as both people are relatively satisfied, then go with it!
 
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IslandL responded:
Once a week isn't a low frequency rate. You don't need to compare yourselves to the frequency of other couples. Be GRATEFUL you have compatible drives and sex hasn't become a problem in your relationship.
 
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cheerios12 responded:
I don't think once a week is bad. My fiancee would be happy with that!!! We do it very infrequently and he is confused because at the beginning of our relationship we were hot and heavy. Now we are engaged and have been together for 2 1/2 years and live together and I have pretty much no desire for it. I work full time and go to school, as well as help him with his work. He is self employed and is mostly at home or working from home. He thinks I'm strange, he said he's never met a woman like me with no desire. I said he doesn't know enough women then because I know plenty! I'm trying to work on it, from what I've read it just seems we have mismatched libidos ... I've ordered a book on it. Hoping he'll read it after I do ...

Cheerio
 
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jason1022 responded:
I want to give you a males point of view if you don't mind.

There is nothing wrong with not having sex everyday, or 3 times a week. My wife and I have been together 16 years we've been married 12. We didn't have sex for the very first time until we were 18. We started dating at 15.

We went all those years without having sex. I wasn't ready and neither was she. Honestly, those years were spent getting to know each other better, and giving each other the chance to become closer.

The first few years of our relationship we were more friends than we were boyfriend/girlfriend. We didn't talk about having sex for a long time. I didn't want to bring it up, because I didn't want her to think that was all I wanted from her.

But now it's been 16 years, and I'm still in love with her. We're not having sex right now. I was having ED problems and now that I'm taking viagra she doesn't want to have sex with me right now. But, I know she has some insecurities right now, but I still love her.

Love is never based on sex. It's okay what you're doing sometimes that's the safest way to go. You can see that he is there in the relationship for you.
 
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cowpiewi responded:
How often do you want sex? Since you're asking, maybe you're just a little bit "bothered" and would like it more than once a week.
 
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zephyrjude responded:
All that matters is if the two of you are happy. I agree with cowpiewi.... do you feel like you or he would like it a little more or a little less?

If you are still affectionate, kiss, cuddle, hug and grope..... that is very nice. You are still very connected. It is better than some that "do the deed" without alot of thought. Affection and thinking of each other as you apparently do is marvelous.
 
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kristitaylor responded:
I would say that for me and my husband that really isn't very much sex at all... We don't usually have a day without sex and if we do it's usually because I am sick. If you are both happy with the arrangement then I would say your relationship works.
 
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MRSDJB0726 responded:
I don't think there's anything weird about not being "all over each other" and wanting sex 24/7. Do you feel better when you are with him than when you are when he's not around? Do you have things in common? Can you have conversations without struggling to find things to talk about? Sex is fabulous but the quantity does not put value on the entire relationship. The affection you show each other when you are not having sex goes a long way. Continue to nurture that - forget about the notches on the bedpost!
 
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thisman responded:
Wow! I cant believe what i am reading from these people on your reply, scary! I dont mean to say that all men sexually think the same, but a BIG majority does lol. Now, it is proven that a BIG majority of men, i think 90%, thinks about having sex every 10 seconds. SO, you say that your having sex once a week? that IS normal for a woman, NOT FOR MEN! the only time a man is NOT thinking about sex is AFTER SEX lol. Something is wrong, i think thats whats bothering you. unless you think he's part of that 10%, you better crack down on whats wrong... and thats love, better believe it.
 
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michelleryna replied to cheerios12's response:
I think that you are just plane wore out and tired:) You have a heavy work load along with school. I think your fiance needs prasie for being so understanding, i also think that you should take time out of your busy schedule atleast once a week and have a date night and make the romance happen. My husband and i have been together for 5 years and married for a little over 2 and have four children and alone time is something that we miss, take time out to have that you both need it more then you think you do
 
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An_229531 responded:
Well I have to say that most of the comments here are right on track. I do think MRSDJB0726 is probably very young or simply a bit immature (sorry)

My wife and I have been married for 17 years now. We have times where we are very sexual and other times we aren't. Sometimes we get together a few times a week, some times it is a few times a year. Life taked a mental and physical toll on all of us the important thing is that you remember to make time for the two of you to be together. I have seen couples many together for over 50 years and guess what, they rarely have sex but they couldn't function without each other.

Good luck.
 
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SocialWorker2B replied to An_229531's response:
Did you mean "thisman?" because I didn't see *anything* wrong with the MRS post you mentioned.



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