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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    Can I vent? HUGE TRIGS
    stephs_3_kidz posted:
    I don't know how many of you have heard of Ethan Stacy, who was murdered by his "mother" and stepfather a week ago.

    They literally beat that precious little 4 year old boy to death over the course of a few days, and then dumped his body in the Utah mountains, and reported him missing.

    His father is from a town close to me, and so it's been all over the news here. He lived with his dad and some idiot judge decided to send Ethan to visit his "mother" for the summer before starting Pre-K.

    He was there 10 days and died. The dad had BEGGED the judge to not send him to stay with that woman, but the judge sided with her and sent Ethan to Utah for the summer.

    The "mother" stood by and let her boyfriend (now husband) beat her son to death and actively participated in concealing his body and they even beat his little face with a hammer and destroyed his teeth so he would be difficult to identify.


    All you people who are in these relationships where your boyfriend/husband/wife hits you but "they'd never mean to hurt you" or "they'd never hurt the kids"...THINK AGAIN.

    This woman (I cringe to call her that) stood by and watched her boyfriend beat her 4 YEAR OLD child day after day after day..and they left him home, DYING, in his bed, ALONE, to run out and get married (I'm going to guess, so they couldn't testify against each other when he DID die..).

    I am so sickened. I literally want to throw up. I have a 4yo. And all she ever wants to do is play, be happy, and give me love. I look at her and I think, what kind of MONSTER could do this to an innocent, precious child?????

    I'm just at a loss today, totally saddened for that father, the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins that Ethan leaves behind.

    Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. What sick, sick people there are in this world.
    3point14 responded:
    I hadn't heard about that. That is...the worst kind of incredible. I can't imagine the kind of sickness in someones' head that makes that ok...

    When I was a young teen, my uncle and aunt divorced. They had two kids together, my little cousins, twin boys. My "aunt" was abusive, not directly and not overtly. But was just awful to her sons. My uncle battled for custody and he got it. My whole family had to step in, especially my Gram, Mom and I. I was like twelve, and was sometimes mad that it felt like my Mum had no time for me. I talked to her about it, and she said to me one time "Honey, we do not have a choice. We do not trust her alone with the kids. I know we're all stressed now, but none of us would be able to rest if she had custody."

    I'm not saying that my aunt could've been like this lady, but I'm not saying that she wouldn't have, either. She had a son from a previous marriage, and there were accusations that the man she met after my uncle hit her son, and she did nothing about it.

    Stories like this just make me realize how right my Mom and Gram were to help my little cousins.

    I can't imagine how Ethan's father feels about what happened. I can't imagine how the family feels. I hope the judge that let him go with his mother is haunted by that decision.

    How awful. (hugs)
    IslandL responded:
    I'm fighting off tears after reading that Steph. I REALLY hope the message gets through to the people in these relationships who keep staying because "I love him!"

    What is labeled "love" is so often something else entirely.
    BabyLovesPrada replied to IslandL's response:

    It takes a real tough guy to beat up a child, those are the same losers who abuse animals and the elderly.

    Foreverinyoureyes2 responded:

    I have been following that story on

    Like you I am outraged, sickened and just so sad.

    I do not for the life of me understand how a woman can stand by and let someone abuse, torture or kill her child. Where is the protective instinct? Where is the compassion for another? It's so frequently the stepfather or boyfriend. There are TWO cases on trial in my area right now of the mothers boyfriend killing the child. One was 2 the other 3 years old. You should see the sweet little faces that are in the pictures shown in the newspaper over and over. Breaks my heart everytime I see them.

    I hope that what they say is true, and that the inmates exact a special kind of justice on people that harm children once these monsters get to prison.
    TheDeepBlue responded:
    That story literally made me sick, and very, very sad. There has to be a very dark corner in Hell for "people" like that.

    Where is the justice, how does this make any sense. Why...when there are couples who would give anything to concieve but can't. Couples who would give the WORLD to a child, and who cry at night, childless. Parents who have lost babies to miscarriage, etc. Why is it that MONSTERS can have children. It is the worst injustice.
    wwilson89 replied to Foreverinyoureyes2's response:
    I see stuff like this all the time and it scares me to the point that I think maybe I just shouldn't date until Dre is in his teens or off to college if me and Lamont don't make it. I wouldn't even want a man who wasn't his father watching him for long periods of time. I don't understand women who move an unemployed man in as their boyfriend and his purpose is to watch her kids. That doesn't seem right to me.

    Definitely will think about that father in my prayers, and I'm really wondering why in the world that judge allowed this visit to happen. If the father had to BEG for him not to grant the visitation, surely something unstable must have gone on in the past.
    jason1022 responded:
    I've been trying to hold back from responding there are some words I want to use but can't.

    If I wasn't married to my wife I wouldn't leave my kids alone with any other woman.

    I wouldn't like her leaving them alone with another man neither.
    Spankyrae replied to wwilson89's response:
    That's an awful story. If it's any consolation, that little boy's (IMO) is experiencing much more peace than he had living with those "parents." It's just really sad that it had to happen this way.

    It's important for women to know that the abuse doesn't stop. If he hits once, he will do it again. So often with abuse and other codependent people, it's a cycle that takes deep introspection and most times therapy to heal. No one else can heal the abuser. That's a common misconception people have with their abusive mates.

    Wanda, I think if you have to date again, you will most definitely be alright. You would know to go with your gut and look for red flags. I don't believe abusive people end up like this all of a sudden. There are most likely signs that indicate the trouble to come down the road.
    Spankyrae replied to 3point14's response:
    3.14, I think it's great you're able to recognize your mother did what she had to and you're not resentful of it. I imagine it was tough to deal with at the time.
    3point14 replied to Spankyrae's response:
    It was SO hard, especially when she'd come home after what equated to a fifteen hour shift of work (between work and caring for the boys) and just crash. That being said, I spent a ton of times with my little cousins at that point, and it gave us the wonderful relationship we have now.

    I'm ten years older than they are, and they've both done things for me for mother's day and one of 'em calls me Mom sometimes. As sad as it is that their own "mother" totally sucks...well,at least they had some positive female role models.
    Spankyrae replied to 3point14's response:
    Aw, they sure do have a great role model in you. And you played a great part in helping them even at a young age.
    stephs_3_kidz responded:
    I had to take a while to gather my thoughts before I said something that I shouldn't say...


    The long and short of it is, NO man OR woman should be so dang desperate for a relationship that they stand back and allow someone to abuse their child, and to the point of death?

    Nawwww...THAT case needs to be a death penalty case for BOTH parties involved, IMO.
    Foreverinyoureyes2 replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
    Steph (and all),

    Not to start a political debate, but I wonder what your thoughts on how much liability the judge in the case bares, if any?

    Have any of you seen the Amy Leitchenberg case? I went to high school with Amy. Her abusive ex husband violated a restraining order against her over 100 times. He threatened her and the kids repeatedly. He had supervised visitation, but when the center in our community closed that provided his supervisor the judge decided to give him unsupervised. The next weekend he picked the boys up and disappeared. They found them several weeks later in a remote area. He'd poisoned one of the boys, stabbed the other and hung himself. Amy and her lawyer had presented overwhelming evidence that he should not get those boys unsupervised, but the judge disagreed.

    Our town was pretty divided. Our local paper has a comments section and some agreed that the judge bares liability. Others said he was just doing his job with the tools he had and couldn't have expected this outcome.

    Personally, I agree that the judge does bare a degree of liability. When you achieve that level of power in our judicial system, with it comes a greater degree of responsibility. If something goes terribly wrong, as it did in these 2 cases, then I think that the judge does need to be held accountable to some degree....not criminally of course, but there should be some sort of investigation and the judge should be sanctioned in some way, even if it is monetarily in the way of a fine or something.

    I think it might give the families some degree of comfort. It just doesn't seem fair that another person can literally hold a life in his hand, make a poor decision and be able to walk away like, "All in a days some, lose some."

    But that is just my personal opinion. Having never been in the situation as the judge or the parent I am forming this opinion based on gut reaction alone. And there are probably a million factors that I know nothing about that impact everything. So again, this opinion is based on my heart, and not necessarily a well researched theory....
    darlyn05 replied to Foreverinyoureyes2's response:
    I feel that the judge should be held liable. Especially with ANY evidence or prior insight as to why visitation or relationship dissolvement occurred in the first place. They need to do their homework.

    I would suggest having the judge's authority position for such cases be disallowed from them in the future. This is obviously something they are incapable of making the right decision on. So they shouldn't be able to participate in any of these sort of court hearings.

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